Frigid

Chapter 2

"She's awake. Oh my God, she's awake."

"Not possible."

A freezing cold hand touched my forehead. In my mind, I flinched, but in real life, I didn't move.

Those voices. The shaking one and the calm, husky one. They were wrong. My eyes were open, I was breathing, and I could see, but I was far from awake.

The feeling, I couldn't describe it.

I hadn't lost my memory, I knew that. But I couldn't recall a single memory. A single one worth remembering, anyway.

I was numb. Everything was numb. I could feel, but not really. I could breathe, but it was artificial. I could see, but I couldn't gaze. I could hear, but it was more just whispers. Everything was less than what it should be.

Like the pain. What happened, why I was here, was for a reason, and I knew I should be feeling something. Something that made me pay for what I had basically done to myself.

"Ali, honey. Are you awake?" A voice asked. It sounded shaky and innocent. I knew who it was. I knew this voice. It was calming and home like. Home. Right. It reminded me of home.

What was I supposed to do? Nod? Speak? I couldn't speak. I couldn't imagine having a voice that spoke and made noise and that actually worked.

So I blinked. But blinking must have been enough. I added also, a slight nod that was barely noticeable.

"She can hear me," It said again, shaking and filled with the slightest bit of hope. "Alison, it's mom. It's your mother. Can you hear me?"

I was going to nod again, do something. I wanted her to feel better, to not worry. But then, the pain was back. And this time, it was amplified.

The needles were back, the cutting, the noise, the weakness, and the blackness.

I screamed. The scream scared me. It was loud and piercing, cutting through the air like knives. It rang in my ears and the other sound was mixing with it.

I grabbed my head, placing my hands on either side. I pressed on it and tried to cover my ears. But the noise was coming from inside. It was trapped inside of me and wouldn't stop.

"Help her!" Someone yelled. It was a different voice.

"We can't! We can't do anything for her right now. Not until we know what the problem is."

"I'll tell you the problem," The husky voice said. "She's in pain and your just watching. Do something before I do."

I screamed again. My body felt like it was going to explode from all the pain.

Pain.

It wasn't pain. Pain happened to humans and living, breathing things. It could not happen to anyone or anything because it was not earthly impossible to bear. I had to have done something to deserve it.

"Okay, okay. I'll help her. I'll try. But this might not fix it. It'll just give us time." The voice speaking was tense and I could tell they were usually calm and orderly.

"Just do it." The shaky voice begged.

I heard rattling of metal. I heard footsteps. And then black.

Everything was dissolved into blackness.

After the blackness, colors and shapes, movements all started to appear very slowly in front of me. I wasn't awake. I wasn't dreaming. I didn't know what I was.

I was back there again. My face was pressed against the freezing snow, the melting ice. It stung my face in the same way fire would. My skin was burning. I didn't want to be back here. I wanted to forget that it all ever happened. That I had actually secretly hoped falling into that pond would kill me.

But how could I forget when the image of his eyes kept coming back to me. They were so green that they were hard to even look at, but they also were so green that it was hard to look away.

Who was he and why would he want to save my life? Why would he want to save me of all people? Didn't he know that I had done all of it to myself on purpose?

I didn't deserve to be saved. I didn't deserve to be looking at eyes that were so deep and beautiful and a face that was just as perfect.

He was saying something, a name maybe. My name? I couldn't make the word out because I wasn't actually there. This had already happened. I was just reliving it, right? That's the only thing that could make even the least bit of sense. Not that any of this could ever make sense or be explained. The whole situation was confusing.

I wanted to take it back. All of it. The feelings of hopelessness, the fear, the only shed of hope being that maybe the lake would kill me. I didn't want to give up my life. Not after all this pain. Not after being so close to death. It was peaceful, but it was also terrifying and it was taking a fearless step into oblivion.

I didn't want to die. But I didn't want to live either.