What if...

Chapter 5 ~ Explanation

He held me, letting me cry all over his shirt, ruining it with salt water tears. I felt ridiculous, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop just yet. Fear took over me quickly, what if he was just feeling guilty and is struggling to find a way to calm me so he could tell me he is leaving again? No. I wouldn’t take that. I came all this way for this and I’m not losing him again. I needed to stop crying first.

His hands rubbed up and down my back, smoothing down my hair away from my face. Every now and then I would feel his lips press down against the top of my head. I wasn’t sure how long we had been sitting there, but I never wanted to move, afraid of what the future would hold.

“Bella?” Edward asked quietly, I looked up at him; my eyes finally dry enough to see through.

“Are you alright?” He asked, such a stupid question, yet so…normal. I nodded, trying to think of what I wanted to say.

“I-I’m sorry…you can…leave…if you—“

“No.” He interrupted me, “I will never leave you again. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean for that…” he seemed to be at a loss of words, he looked so vulnerable and tortured, like if he could cry he would.

“Bella, I left to protect you, I wanted for you to live a normal…happy…human life.” He laughed now, but no humor filled this sound, “It was a stupid idea, but I was terrified of putting you in any more danger then I already had. I am not good for you, but I’m too selfish to let you go again, ever.” He told me sternly, looking into my eyes. 

I didn’t speak for a while, not knowing what to say…He just told me why he left, it clicked too, and he had told me that before, he told me in Phoenix, the first time in the meadow. I never thought it would come to it though. I felt as though so much had happened in such a short amount of time. I felt drained. I leaned my head down on his shoulder, but didn’t want to sleep, not until we finished this conversation.

“I wasn’t sure you know?” I whispered into his shoulder, his arms tightening around me ever more, “That’s why I came to find you…anyone. I had an, epiphany one night. Nothing you did or said made sense to me Edward. I couldn’t believe I believed you so fast, I guess I always thought that you loving me…never made sense. I’m human,” I said with disgust, “then I remembered what you said, like, flashbacks or something. You would leave to protect me, and that’s what drove me to leave, to go to Denali and get them to help me.”

“Bella…I’m sorry love,” Edward whimpered, I let a few tears out and looked up at him.

“I don’t blame you, you just wanted the best for me and I understand.” I reached up and kissed his jaw.

“You mean to much to me Bella, I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you love.” He dry sobbed. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him. His head was burrowed in my neck now, rubbing and finding comfort on my warm skin.

“We’re together now, it’s ok.” I whispered into his hair before kissing his temple gently.

“I love you.” Edward said while kissing my shoulder and neck.

“I love you too, I’ve missed you. Why didn’t you answer your phone when everyone was trying to call you?” I asked curiously.

He sighed and pulled away. “Let’s go downstairs and I will explain to everyone?” I nodded and he pulled me up with him, setting me on my feet and taking my hand before placing a chaste kiss on my knuckles.

Edward and I walked downstairs to find everyone in the living room sitting and waiting, so it looked. Alice smiled at me and motioned for us to sit down, I guess she was impatient. Emmet and Rosalie weren’t here; I wonder where they are now.