You Are My Life

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Sleep, of course, did not come peacefully as I had hoped. In fact, this nightmare was particularly foul. So much so, it has caused me to be awake long before dawn. I sit upon the balcony of my room, the chill of the gradually fading night seeping into my bones as I dangle my legs over the edge.

I had woken up with my shield practically non-existent. As soon as my nerves had calmed, and I finished throwing up the contents of my stomach - a routine that has once again settled, I immediately snapped them back up with more strength than I realised I possessed in that moment. I inwardly cursed myself; Rhys would have seen the nightmare...

He would have seen everything; would have felt everything...

...

"Enjoy it." Amarantha says, taunting me from her throne as I stand before the first Fae.

His blue eyes burn into me. The ash dagger suddenly appears, a solid weight in my trembling hand.

"Please." he whispers. I see his eyes flit between the ash dagger and my face. I involuntarily grasp the dagger tighter. "Please."

Suddenly, before I have even gathered my thoughts, the dagger is in his chest. His blood showers my hand, coating the skin on my wrist, my face. Tears, thick and searing, fall down my face as I remove the dagger and his body falls at my feet. The dagger falls from my grip and lands beside his head.

"Very good." Amarantha's voice floats down to me as I stumble backwards. I spare a gaze at Tamlin but his face is cold, uncaring. My eyes then settles on Rhys - his gaze is fixed on me, anger filling those beautiful violet orbs; anger at Amarantha's actions, not mine.

The blood on my hands turns my stomach, bile rises in my throat.

"Next." Amarantha giggles. "Come now, Feyre. Are you not having fun?"

The hood on the second Fae is removed and the tears on her face surely match my own. The second ash dagger appears in my hand; the blood already staining the deadly piece of wood.

The first kill was bad enough. The second; it breaks me further.

Her prayer to the Cauldron is useless; Amarantha will do everything in her power to ensure I do this: that is her way.

Is Tamlin's life worth me killing these innocents? Truly?

I cannot do it. Please.

The female Fae's voice breaks as she stares up at me.

"Feel no pain."

But, I feel pain. She will feel pain.

I grip her shoulder, mainly to steady my own body.

I have to do this quick. I have to reduce her suffering.

The dagger plunges into her chest and her gasp forces me to retreat far into myself; so far I have no idea where I truly am.

Amarantha's smile is sickening.

One more.

Only one more.

The ash dagger falls to the floor beside the other that also possesses the blood of an innocent.

I allow tears to continue falling down my face, a sob breaking free from my lips. A guard pulls the hood off of the final person.

No.