Crying angels <Scott McCall>

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Lauren Jauregui represents
Terezilyah/Tessa in this story.

1. Temples and castles

Tessa POV

The ground is schattering into thousands of pieces and the walls are closing in. Happiness falling through flesh and bones. Sadness staying in the heart.

I've always had a hard time understanding most human emotions. I can understand happiness and anger. I can also understand some forms of sadness upon occasion. But all of my emotions are centered around me. I never really know how to feel anything toward others except for contempt.

Correction, I know mentally what the proper feelings and reactions to other people, but I can't properly feel what I am supposed to feel. I never cry real tears for me. If I ever cry, the tears are for someone else and someone else only.

Sometimes I wonder if it is even possible for anyone to honestly care for someone other than themselves. Perhaps everyone was playacting just like I do and nothing I experienced yet convinced me that someone would ever be nice just for the sake of being nice.

To me it seems that when someone is nice, they just want something from you. If this is the truth, then love does not exist. Nor does compassion exist. Or anything that is considered "human". Then again, perhaps everyone else could feel these emotions and I was just un-human.

And perhaps I was not just un-human, but more than human. After all, human emotions hampered people in their ability to succeed things and since I did not have these emotions, I was above them. This enabled me to see emotions for what they are.

They are just mere social constructs. Guilt especially is a social construct only brought on by the threat of punishment. If there was no fear of punishment, then there would be no such thing as guilt. To free oneself from guilt is merely a matter of putting oneself above the rules.

Once you are free of the rules of society and of guilt, then nothing can affect you, even when they are a complete surprise. And all these thought running in my head drives me crazy during the flashbacks of abuse.

I'm not bothered of the person trying to read my thoughts or my way of being. Everything they need to know is this.

My name is Terezilyah Edwards. Terezilyah is pronounced Tere-zi-lyah. My life is what many thinks as the dream. My father is a sales manager and my mother works as fashion designer. I have two big brothers Anthony and Christopher.

They hate my guts and have been since the day I was born. And yet I have never quite understood the reason why. Why they obay my father's orders when I was done nothing wrong. They beat me together with their friends.

I have been confussed my hole life over orders, disobaying and my family. The on thing my family holds precious is money and money only. They are like predators, as long as they get what they want they don't care who gets hurt. Maybe the
dollar-bills though.

But with a short few seconds I snap out of my mind and stop my car outside the gate to our mansiom. It opens and my parents are the first one's to drive in, then my brothers and last me.

I look around as a cool California breeze hits my face. The house is giant and it has a lake near to it. "Tessa sweetheart you may look at your room now" my dad yells from the car. I hop out and rush directly to the insanly large front door in stone. There is a large curved stair in the front hall.

I take my shoes of and grabb the cold marmor rail to hold onto as I go up. Astonishment immediately hits me as I look at my bright room. It's perfect. Just the way I want it. Dark, alone and perfect.

I wish I was like my room. I'm alone and dark already but far far away from perfect. Not my life, not my body and not me. I wish things were easier in life. I wish that everything didn't have to be temples and castles.
End of this chapter.

So I've started my seventh book for this year. Yay. But, in this book I highly advice sensitive people to read it. Else. Enjoy