Transformed

Chapter 1

No one can stop thinking. It's simply impossible. The whole world is filled with nature, animals, insects, and...us humans. We all think. We think about tomorrow or yesterday, the past or future, and that one day...the day we all dread...our day of death.

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My name is June. I am here to share my journey with you. Don't think too much about what will happen at the end of the story. Trust me...it's not what you're thinking. Whatever you do...don't think. Wait, I forgot...there's no stopping thoughts. So just...stay on the same page with me as I write this. No talking is involved. This is just me and you. On a journey of thoughts.

Everyday is the same. I think and do. My mom never listens to my mumbles. I've always wondered why she hasn't at least said anything to me about it. People at school avoid me and people at church ignore me too. I know, cold right...? Well, sometimes I ask myself if it really is cold. They probably don't notice me anyways. I've always wanted to be ignored so I guess they respect that. Nothing changes my mind about wanting alone time.

Oh wait, my mom reminded me of an assignment I had to do for school. Now I can't stop thinking of the possibilities of me loosing sleep having to do this last minute. All the un-useful stress on my shoulders are killing me. I want to get a good grade but I also don't want to do this. I need to go now...but don't worry...I will be back soon. Kiss kiss!

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I managed to finish that assignment last night...although I don't think I got anything right I tried and that's all that matters right?! Sigh. I hate this world and what's it become. Don't you? Yes? Oh well then we have that in common. Oh! I have to go! Moms going to kill me if I don't get on the bus in time. See you later? Yes..okay. Kiss kiss!

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Hey, I'm back...you there? Knock knock. Oh sorry to wake you...I didn't mean to...I just wanted to tell you I got an A on the assignment...you can go back to sleep now...I will talk to you in the morning. Kiss kiss!

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Morning! I'm wide awake! I know you're listening! Wake up...I need you to make my lunch for me while I get ready! It's not fair! Please...

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Sitting in math isn't the same. It's full of...un-useful things. Stuff that doesn't matter to me. Only math does this feeling. Maybe...it's...because you're no longer here. I don't like to think like that but...seems almost so accurate...anyways...the new teacher is coming...she will definitely take this book away if I don't stop thinking. But, it's so hard not to...so hard. Kiss...kiss!

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Getting through math isn't the worst part. Getting through lunch is. That's where I put the lunch I make into my mouth and...its not the same...sometimes I skip lunch for this reason. You can't even eat with me anymore...you're gone...lost in your own thoughts now...and also many others.

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Hey, it's been a while! I haven't wrote in at least a week...I have a reason for my absence but..you already know that...you saw it happen. You saw me...I saw you...don't lie..think about it. Look me in the eye and say you didn't mean for any of this to happen. You can't...exactly...so you have no excuse to not understand what's happening. I'm leaving now. I won't be back for a while. Kiss kiss!

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I'm back...after a full three weeks...without you...it was horrible. Christmas is soon! Aren't you excited?! Oh yeah...I forgot. Well, I'll make sure to get you something! I'll even set it by your door! Sounds great right? Okay...I'll see you then! Wait, I almost forgot...what is it that you wanted for Christmas? Okay...bye now. Kiss kiss.

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Hi...nothing new...did you like your present? Looks as if you never even touched it...why is that? I spent all my allowance on that. You didn't even open the box? Seems like...you-...oh wait...you are gone. Sigh. I still have the receipt..I'll take it back..bye. Kiss...kiss...

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Hey! I got my hair cut today! It's short! You always complain about my hair..does this look better? Haha! I love the way it flips around! I love the...the way...you- never mind...I don't like that thought...so I will...change it. I love the way..the ocean...is un-explored by so many people. How scary and dark it is. How many creatures no one even knows about. Did I change that well? Why thank you! I love you. Always have. Always will. Kiss kiss!

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This book...it's full of things that I'll only share with you...I couldn't bare anyone else reading it. If they did...wouldn't you keep it safe? Hide it for me...please...

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I have...no feeling of getting up today...none whatsoever...I feel sick...didn't you feel this way once? Yeah...I remember how you whined about the pain. Well, to me...it feels...good...

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I stayed home. I never have. It felt nice to lay in bed all day. Sick. Weren't you sick? Ever? Well, don't answer that...I know it. I've known the answer my whole life...or at least half of it. Mom is going to tell me to go to bed soon. I might as well end off here. Kiss kiss!

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I have a cold apparently...I can't move. The weight on me is...too much...not even the slightest movement happens even when I breathe...I get it now...I get it. I'll be back soon...I hope...kiss kiss!

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I'm all better! Soup really does the trick! I miss your soup though...don't you miss cooking it for me? You must be asleep...I see...well..continue your sleep. Kiss kiss!

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A kid took my book today! I couldn't tell if they saw anything! Please tell me...did you show them anything? You said you'd hide it! You lied! How could you?! Haven't I gotten enough crap from you!? No?! Fine...ill be gone for...a long, long time. Kiss kiss!

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It's been a month...ready to talk? Oh wait...no talking goes on...just thoughts...now..tell me...did you miss me when I was gone? I missed you..everyone does.

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Sometimes I hate what happened...why did you choose to leave me alone in the dark? All alone...no one...no one to hold onto or talk to. All of those days we laughed together...those laughs turned into cries then gasps for air. Sadly I was the only one to get that air. If I could go back I would definitely give you that air.

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....why have I felt so...sad lately...you ruined my life by leaving...you could've fought! BUT YOU LEFT! I can't forgive you for that...who would? One more thing before I go...I changed my point of view on you...I never loved you...I will never...ever...miss you! Bye.