Blank Love

Chapter 2

- No need to worry. The couch is great, and maybe I want to watch TV until later.

  I felt guilty and ridiculous with what he'd said. I was invading his life and putting him on an inferior position. Anyway, it was inconvenient to share a bed with someone... I didn't know. In fact, I had many thoughts to organize and facts to assimilate, and had the need of a good night's sleep... by myself.

- If you want to, I can stay in the living room. For me it's not a pro...

- No way! - He cut me off, waving his hands. You stay here and everything will be fine. If you need anything, just call me - he said smiling. His smile was beautiful, sweet, sincere, and... I don't know if I've mentioned his voice, extremely serious, masculine, deep. I felt good about how he softened it to talk to me trying to make things look less strange than they already were. Not that solved a lot but... I liked the effort.

  We stood smiling at each other for a few uncomfortable seconds. I realized that his mind struggled to decide what would be the best way to say goodnight, and I rooted for him to take the right decision. In a clumsy thrust, he put his hands in his pockets and stepped back, with his head bowed.

- So... huh, good night. I hope you rest well.

I smiled.

- Thanks Avi - I said using a more serious tone, and he looked up - for everything.

  Avi smiled, agreed with his head, turned and left the room, closing the door behind him. I sighed.

  I went back to my bedroom, wondering where to begin.

 After taking a long and hot bath, I looked for what to wear. In the closet, I found no discrete pajamas, nothing but lingeries that left me embarrassed at myself. Giving up, I decided to use some gym shorts and some random t-shirt before exploring the room; that's when I found at one of the shelves my wedding album. Apparently the ceremony had been very simple, near nature and iluminated by the daylight, although by the pictures of the party, it lasted until the end of the night. Avi was filled with elegance in a traditional tuxedo and tie, using his hair combed back, making he looks sofisticated, charming, and with a genuine smile on his face, that made ​​me smile too. I looked incredibly sweet, in a lace dress with wrapped around my neck pearl details. I had my back exposed, and the gown was held by few delicate buttons that shaped my body until my waist, and soon after fell naturally throug my hips. It was a beautiful dress and didn't escape from my personality.

  I was happy to see that my parents came from Brazil for the wedding. My mother and father had an awful of fear of flying, and as far as I remembered, they never had the courage to jump on a plane. Despite having spoken to them on the phone in the hospital, I missed the contact we had. Both were terrified because of the accident, and wanted to somehow come to see me, but I pulled their fear away and tried to place the head of each one of them into the facts: I was fine. As much as I felt homesick and felt the need to have them next to me, they had an extremely rhythmic life, and I didn't want to compromise that. I promised to go to Brazil as soon as I could, but didn't know when it would happen.

  Turning my thoughts back to the album, I saw that my siblings were also at the ceremony, in addition to some other cousins ​​and uncles. Me and my family have always been very close together, and knowing that hadn't been shot down by the distance made ​​me happy. I saw several strangers mixed to the people I remembered, and it made me feel blue. At some poit it felt uncomfortable, and soon my enthusiasm was gone. I closed the album and went back to scanning the bedroom.

  On both sides of the bed there were side tables, and I've noticed a phone on the one at the left. On the wallpaper, a picture of me and Avi embracing and smiling. I looked up, asking myself if the device belonged to him, but the response was almost instantaneous: I could hear Avriel talking from the other side of the door, and it appeared to be a call with his mother:

- Stay calm mom, I'll take care of it... I know, I know, I'll set up a day for you to come but you have to understand that she's still confused, she doesn't know you, she doesn't even know me, mom! No need to get scared, the doctor said her memory will gradually return, don't worry, everything will be ok...

  The conversation continued and, and made me entertained of how much he seemed to feel pressed, but I was happy for the concern of his mother.

  Turning my attention back to my phone, I tried several different passwords: my birthday, my mom's birthday, my dad's, siblings'... passwords which I've used before, others dates... nothing. Neither the independence day escaped my attempts, and when the phone locked I decided to stop and think for a while. After searching for clues around the bedroom, my eyes back went to the most obvious place: the photoalbum. I remembered the date pressed on the photos, typed '0209'. I sighed when the menu appeared and the phone made ​​the sound of unlocking.

  Inside the albums, there were several photos of the members of Avi's band, all of them looking quite intimate and friendly. I felt bad for not recognizing them back in the hospital, since it looked like we had always been close, and at my phone, there were several funny videos and pictures of our moments of joy. I was surprised by that, since I've always hated taking pictures and showing myself on camera. In fact, most of them appeared to be taken when I wasn't aware which made more sense. With Avi, all of the photos were filled with exchanges of warmth and affection, making me wonder how could it be my married life. Of course pictures would only show good times, but my husband seemed to be peaceful and gentle... maybe I was really happy. I went back to the menu and looked for messages: full of the pain of longing and distance. Because of the constant traveling, the SMS box was packed of me and Avi's day-a-day conversations, plans to return home and above all, much love.

  I've decided to look for some music and saw that my musical tastes had not run much of the common. I put the headphones on and after wandering for some already known songs, I saw some with Avi's name. I let the playlist play randomly and got impressed with the tone, style and flexibility of his voice. I eventually stretched out on the bed and fell asleep to the sound of sweet sounding melody.