Phone Calls > jariana (COMPLETED)

twenty

May 21, 5:12 p.m.

Justin: Sometimes I feel like you're avoiding me.

Ariana: You've got to be joking.

Justin: You're right. So how did your letter writing go last night?

Ariana: It was actually really hard.

Justin: But you said you'd been thinking about it all semester.

Ariana: Yeah. It wasn't that I didn't have things to say. It was hard in other ways.

Justin: Do you want to talk about it?

Ariana: Okay.

Justin: When are you going to start talking about it?

Ariana: Right now. Geez. It's like you don't even let me breathe.

Justin: Sometimes you wait almost five or six seconds.

Ariana: I'm b-r-e-a-t-h-i-n-g.

Justin: I guess I'm talented in that I can talk and breathe at the same time.

Ariana: Okay, okay, okay. It was hard for me to write that letter, because I have to think of the future, and when I think of the future, I have to imagine it without Kathryn. And, even after all these years, that's still sad to me. Because I'd rather imagine her in it.

Justin: Do you think it will always be hard?

Ariana: Yeah. I mean, there's all these milestones in life. High school graduation. College. Marriage. You know. The important stuff. For her and for me.

Justin: Do you think the saying is true, that this will get better with time?

Ariana: The pain isn't sharp like it was when she first disappeared. But there's this specific sadness, sort of like a loneliness, that has a way of creeping into my life. I miss Kathryn. And I'll always miss Kathryn.

Justin: I have a question, but I don't know if it's appropriate.

Ariana: You want to ask an inappropriate question about my missing sister?

Justin: I don't know whether or not it's inappropriate.

Ariana: What is it?

Justin: When you think about her, do you ever wonder what exactly happened to her?

Ariana: Like who took her?

Justin: Yeah.

Ariana: Not anymore. I mean, I used to. I'd go to this place and it's all I'd think about. Like I was stuck in these long daydreams. They were frightening and made me feel miserable. Now I try to focus on her life. She was happy.

Justin: I think I'd be obsessed with it.

Ariana: I've had to put it down. It's too much. For a long time, I saw a therapist every week.

Justin: You don't anymore?

Ariana: Not right now. Maybe I'll see somebody later. Right now I'm doing okay. This is hard to explain, but even though Kathryn's so absent, she's still sort of present.

Justin: Has it always felt that way?

Ariana: It comes and goes. Sometimes I really feel her. Other times there's just this sad emptiness. That's why I try to focus on her life. Because she was a great person. She really was.