The auto-biography of Hatchi4233

Chapter 1

I geuss I should start from the beginning, how I ended up being afraid to show the real me, afraid to make choices of my own, afraid of commitment, afraid of reality. But the thing is I don't know when it happened I geuss it started the moment I was born many believe life is full of chances you've just got to take well, I agree chances are everywhere and you should take them but for me that's always been difficult. How about I start when I first came to where I am now from the moment I was born to the moment i turned two years old I lived in New York City. After that I moved to north coralina's area known as Hubert but also swansboro. From a young age I always had a good judge in character, but whether that was a good thing or not I have no idea. But whatever the reason being good or bad, I did get a friend that has never given up on me and neither I on her. Her name is Ashley Larson. We have been friends since the moment we met each other, I have always been shy about meeting new people but for some reason I always tried to hide it, the fear that I would say or do somthing wrong. Many see me as many things bossy, childish, a no good without a future, annoying, and some other names that I wish to not speak of. In the 6th grade I was bullied but to be honest i think it was partially my own fault yes, I was a victim of bulling but the one who I was bullied by was a daughter inside a marines family, which was difficult for me when I found out in the 6th grade I didn't know she had it hard at home. I thought she was torturing me because it was fun, not because of issues she had home, to be honest I have very bad anger issues, and I'm not always good with people, but unlike most I see that I'm flawed. I know I'm flawed I'm not perfect but unlike those around me I have so many more flaws then most or at least in my eyes I do. But like I was saying before I'm afraid of so many things, but I can't show it. My whole life I've tried to be what everyone wants me to be. I've seen my family at there highs but also at there lows. I've always been the one to just stand there sometimes I wonder if I'm even human I'm always the worst at comforting people even when others try to comfort me, I don't know what to do the only one who has seen me cry is my own mother and even then it was rare. I have always felt like I was the child in my family who could achieve only failure. I still feel that now and I'm 14 years old now, I'm pretty sure I need therapy but what do I say to my parents "oh, hey mom I've been a total failure my whole life so far and wished for courage but instead got thrown to the ground do you think we could get me a therapist" do you know what her reaction would be the same thing she has told me my entire life "don't you ever say that about your self don't you know your achieving things many can only dream of doing, being what those you would see on tv" she says it so much but unlike her I don't feel like I've accomplished anything in my entire life so far. My sister and older brother are amazing artists and are even good at sports, my younger brother is a tech genius and he's only 13 years old. My mom is a nerd just like me in certain yet small ways and my dad does construction. Me, what have I done? Nothing I have accomplished nothing. I almost always follow the rules but even if I don't, I've never once gotten caught. My life is full of twists and turns. I wanted to be a chef ever since I found out it's a great way express myself even if it's in a small way, I always lose myself in my cooking I can't help but smile when I'm in the kitchen. When I'm in the kitchen I don't feel useless, I feel.................I feel free to do as I please, to be as creative as I want and be as messy as I want as long as I clean up my mess. I even wanted to go to college for cooking become a culinary chef. But I used to be good at it I could make cakes my family loved, but now that I've been feeling almost always depressed or angry my cooking has sucked. It just proves the saying oh how does it go again your food is only as good as your mood, that's it but no matter what I'm trying to get my feeling figures out and I'm going to figure out how to control myself and feel happy and courageous for once in my pathetic life. I know you lot don't know me but if you do your all most likely saying or thinking your life isn't pathetic just the opposite in fact and many other things but I've never felt like that's the truth but anyway I geuss I should stop here my fingers are staring to hurt typing this but if you read this long most likely very confusing chapter I'm sorry if your confused as to why I'm writing this but the answer most likely has an answer but it's one I haven't figured out yet anyway until next time bye have a nice night.

This is Sarah o'brien signing out or at least hatchi4233 is as well.