Hello, my Mamcorns!
We are gathered here today to discuss a subject I love... UNICORNS.
Now unicorns are a special species, aren’t they? Horses with a horn on their head... I WONDER WHAT THE HELL SOMEONE WAS THINKING ABOUT WHEN THEY INVENTED THE UNICORN.
...Oh, I know, I am randomly eating some popcorn and staring at the horses that dotted my field when I had a random though...
POPCORN + HORSES = UNICORNS...
Yeah, because that’s really how it happened.
You know, Unicorns are widely mistreated. They are either shown in photos looking retarded or looking like "a magical, mystical fluffy thing."
But honestly, my all time favourite portrayal of unicorns, is when they are either dead or evil.
Have you ever heard of a book, Zombies Vs Unicorns? No? Well NOW YOU HAVE.
Zombie unicorns... My two favourite things in one :)
I drew <-(NOT ENTIRELY SURE IF THAT IS AN ACTUALY WORD YET :/) a picture of a Zombie Unicorn called Xavier recently... I LOVED THAT PICTURE.
And then I went and lost it.
BUT back to the topic, the main unicorns you probably see are actual horses with a weird horn shaped thing sticking out if their forehead or those cute little cartoon ones everyone goes “AWWW” to.
Personally, I like the cartoon ones but ya know, everyone’s opinion is different... EVERYONE ELSE IS JUST WRONG.
Before I offend anyone let’s talk about whether they actually existed.
The way I see it maybe they existed once and, like the dinosaurs, they went extinct.
OR MAYBE THEY ARE ALIVE SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD THEY’RE JUST HIDING FROM US... HOW DARE THEY.
What do you guys think?
If I had a unicorn as a pet I would call it Steve. ALL UNICORNS ARE CALLED STEVE.
A pet unicorn... CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?
I WOULD RIDE IT EVERYWHERE!
Then when someone comments I can dramatically sweep down off it, slap them, then regally hop back on and ride off into the sunset...
WAIT, WHY WOULD I NEED A UNICORN FOR THAT?
And now that my dreams are officially broken I shall say goodbye as I weep my tears or unicorn-less-ness... AND YES THAT IS NOW A WORD.
YOU ARE READING
Random Rants With A Unicorn Called Steve
HumorEver wanted to hear someone rant about completely random subjects? Well you're in luck! Join me in my journey to amuse, enlighten and touch (IN THE NON PERV-LIKE WAY) you all on subjects that more then likely need to be said.
