Forever Love, Forever Addiction.

A home.

I looked down, feeling how he slightly shifted on my lap. The corners of my lips lifted up in a soft smile and I gently brushed his hair away. His face was barely visible from the bright red strands, messily laid on my whole lap. I didn't have to look at him to know that he was only staring at the TV, without paying attention to the documentary movie we were watching. Neither do I. His facial features were soft, though. He had probably been sunk deep into his thoughts but just by looking at him, or listening to his breathing I was able to tell whether they are disturbing or not. Maybe he was thinking about new song, or maybe he was planning these few days we were about to spend together before the madness would begin again.

He was rather quiet, that day. He used to be like this, from time to time. I guessed it was mostly happening in my presence, when we were alone. Normally, he was a red haired hurricane, vibrating from endless energy, ideas and sometimes, just sometimes, anger. However, every hurricane needed to calm down from time to time. Maybe during such moments he was gathering energy. What was his true self? I've never knew. Probably it was the mixture of these both characters that were differ one from another that much. I've heard some people calling him fake. Like he was pretending to be someone he wasn't. In fact, those who didn't know him that well might think like this. In their opinion not a single person could be that edgy in various situations. But what I knew about him was that his heart was huge and pure. And he could find himself perfectly everywhere and every time. Not because he was pretending, though, but because he simply was himself.

Sometimes I felt bad for him. His soul and the fact how he had been inside, made him to be hurt a lot of times. That childish innocence he was bearing and how naive he was, used to cause him more saddness than happiness, at times. Wasn't it what was making him so special, though? It was. Even if someone kept hurting him, hide was easy to forgive. I doubted he forgot that easily, but he was full with mercy. He had no enemies, or at least, he had never spoken about anyone like this. He wanted to heal the whole world. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to heal himself in the first place. Because he was constantly worried of others, he needed someone to worry about him, too. Also, to take care of him. hide was reckless. Hurting himself, wounding his body, breaking his bones, avoiding eating and sleeping. One may think he was focusing only on his job. It was the truth, at some point. He could spend hours, lying on his belly on the floor, composing. Or sit on the windowsill, playing his guitar. He was getting one thousand ideas by minute and no matter how adorable it was, it was also destroying him from the inside. That pure heart, dedication into music, those were the things eating him alive, sometimes.

That is why, he needed days off. The ones when he could stay away from the entire world and rest not only his body, but also his minds. It was always surprising to me, how fast two people can get to know each other. Maybe we were just similar? It wasn't for me to judge.

I still remembered how intimidating he seemed to be for me at first. He looked so wise and talented, and I was so blinded by his aura that I didn't really care if he was drinking too much, smoking too much, or destroying hotel rooms. He became my biggest idol. A brother figure. I wanted him to stay by my side forever and strangely, he did. He was always supporting me and pushing me forward. He was first one to notice Luna Sea's, my  talent. Without him, I wouldn't have achieved that much.

Weird, how one person can change our entire lives.

I smiled, wider now when I felt a kiss on my palm. Our hands were joined together and hide was keeping them very close to his face. He was seeking the warmth, any warmth. Probably the one coming from my body the most, though. My fingers wiggled a bit and he giggled, burying his nose against my thigh. He was like a little boy sometimes and I loved even those times.  I messed his hair and he responded with an unhappily whine, before he shifted and flopped on his back now, staring at me. His eyes were bright brown and despite his pouty face, I knew they were smiling. And I knew he was happy. Even my flat we were currently in seemed to be more lively when hide was around.

I bend down and pressed a kiss on his lips, on purpose making rather loud noise of smacking. It made him blink now and the pout quickly left his lips. He giggled again and reached out. I felt his arms wrapping around my neck and my hand moved to his back, supporting him, since he lifted up a bit. I wanted him to be comfortable. I wanted him to be happy, forever. But that was a long road, road we seemingly couldn't achieve. Neither together or separate.

"Asshole." he huffed at me when I pulled back slightly, which meant I stopped kissing him for now. And this time I blinked, before I started laughing. Loudly. I was always laughing loud when hide was with all alone with me. That Pink Spider had a confidence I lack. I knew it was mostly a shell. No one could guess how closed inside hide was for real, but it was  visible. When he was laughing, he was mostly covering his lips with a hand. When he was talking, his voice was reserved and quiet, almost mumble-like. Some thought it was due to the amounts of alcohol he was getting on a daily basis but I knew he was just shy. Just like me, or even more. The difference here was that I was showing it out. And he sticked to the image of confident and open hide. Not an extravert or misantrophe his closest friends knew him like. This man was a mystery, of that I was sure.

"Meanie. You wanted me to choke on your saliva?" I asked and theatrically whipped my chin off. Well maybe indeed, I do had some drops of hide's saliva on my lips, mostly because he liked wet kisses. Or he was doing this on purpose. But the amount, easy to guess, was not enough to make me run out of my breath because of this. The other thing was that I liked teasing him. Making him helpless at my own stupidity sometimes, too. He looked like this right now. His eyebrow was slightly raised and his face looked like he wasn't sure whether he should laugh at me or cry at me. Or maybe both. Instead, he lifted his hand and I felt it on my forehead.

"Babe, you don't have a fever, do you? Because you sound like you are in the different reality." he cooed, with a voice so sweet and tender that it was obvious he was making fun of me. He was good at teasing, too. There were times we were arguing so much it was better to not come any closer. Other times, we didn't want to make a single step away. It was weird. The feelings we shared. The relationship we have built. It was hard to describe, who we were one to another. Those who did not know us, they saw us as a sibling. I even heard, once or twice, especially when we were younger and Luna Sea just started, that we even looked similar. I have never agreed. hide's eyes were different. His nose was small and rounded, while mine was rather big. His eyes were huge and filled with emotions, while mine were just... Average. Maybe the one thing that we had alike was our hair. Long, pinkish or reddish, carefully arranged. But my hair were shorter now, not dyed into any tropical colour anymore. hide looked better in pink, anyway.

The closest friends of ours, I guessed they knew we were not just  brothers. They saw us cuddling one another so many times. They saw me holding hide's hair when he was throwing up, drunk and they saw him, rubbing my back when I was lying wasted on his lap after drinking too much. They saw me waking him up from a nightmare and hugging him the whole night long. They saw him making me cold wraps when I was burning from fever. They saw us taking care one of another and they saw us dissapearing together in the middle of the party. They knew. But they have never said a word about it. Maybe it was just natural. Maybe it was how it should be. Me and him, forever.

I poked his rib and he squeaked, surprised, before he curled up on my lap in a defense, pouting. He wrapped his own arms around his body and looked up at me, expecting another attack. But instead, I just laughed and patted his head. Very very gently and lovingly. I was about to say something, too, and I even opened up my lips. No words but a gasp left my mouth, though, when I felt how he started tickling me. He was fast as hell, now sitting up next to me. His cold and slim hands were torturing my belly and it didn't take long before I started laughing, trying to wiggle away.

"hide! You cruel creature!" I yellped, tossing under his hands. I could easily catch his wrists and make him stop... But I didn't want it. He was laughing with me, almost lying on me now. His tickles were soft and tender, like he was somehow afraid he could hurt me. Silly hide. Thanks all the gods, he finally pulled back. Otherwise I might have piss my pants. I guessed he got bored. He was getting bored rather easily, then being grumpy and pouty. He looked at me. His pale cheeks were now slightly pink. His hair was messy and he was grinning almost non stop, just like he achieved his biggest goal.

"I don't like you anymore." I stated, crossing arms on my chest. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow, peeking through the strands of my hair. In a response, he laughed and flopped down on me. I was about to pretend that I am mad at him, but as soon as I felt the sweet burden of his body on my own, I gave up.

"But you still love me." he said, when he was finally settled comfortably on top of myself. I smiled, pressing a kiss on his head. I did love him. Unconditionally. Forever.