Forever Love, Forever Addiction.

What if..?

"What if I dissapear one day?" he asked me once. Mumbling words into my ear, half asleep, as we were lying in the huge hotel bed, covered only with a white blanket, completely naked underneath. He had his arms wrapped around my neck and occasionally, I was able to feel sleepy and rather messy kisses that he was pressing all over my face and neck. He was so soft, just like a woman. He needed lots of love and attention. He loved cuddles and tiny, butterfly kisses. We didn't need to fuck. Between us there was something different and definitely more intense. Just the fact that I could hold him in my arms like this, it was everything I wanted. Besides, he didn't like sex, which may be weird if you look at the stage persona he created. He told this to me one day, after a very heavy and drunken argument we had. Later on, there was more and more of them.

Were we a couple? I couldn't say. I wasn't sure myself. There were times when we didn't see each other for weeks and there were also the ones when he had to be in my arms every night. And normally, he didn't give a fuck whether we were miles away or not. He was always the crazy one. I was calmer, even if at the first sight, it didn't seem like this. People who were watching me, they would never say it. I was younger than him, yet sometimes it felt like he had been the younger one. With his silly ideas, childish tone of voice or pouts that were puffing his rather pale cheeks... The age difference, though, even if not too big one, never existed between us. Actually, no difference had. Sometimes I thought as we have been made from the same piece of fabric. They all were saying we looked like brothers, despite the fact that we had not been blood related. If we had been, I wouldn't have done what I was doing.

"You won't disappear." I said, as I was assuring not only him, but myself as well. I let him curl up against my side and even smiled softly, wrapping my arms tighter around his body. He was skinny, but not well built at all. Muscles had never seemed to be his top priority, but at the same time, he was obsessed over his weight. He wasn't counting calories or eat pieces of paper to keep the same or even lower weight but I knew he was upset every time when he gained even a bit of it. It was probably due to his past, when he had been chubby and not so popular kid. He had never liked talking about it and I never asked. To me, it was enough what I was having now.

I couldn't remember when, having him by my side, for the first time I thought I had everything. It seemed so natural, just like we were made for each other. Did we love ourselves? I've never knew. None of us say it to each other, except these rare times when we were both drunk, mumbling such words one to another, while we were making up or fucking. I couldn't say even now if I was in love with him.

Sometimes I thought so anyway. When he was lying on the top of my chest, breathing regularly but softly against my naked and hot skin I felt butterflies in my stomach and I could swear I was in love with him. When he was smiling only to me and I felt like the whole world stopped for a while I could swear I was in love with him. When he was murmuring my name in his sleep, tossing all over the bed until he wasn't in my arms I could swear I was in love with him.

Other times, though, he seemed to be my unhealthy addiction. I couldn't breathe without him being present in my quiet and way too big apartment. I couldn't play without feeling him behind my back, brushing my hair or stroking my neck. He loved when I played violin for him and since the moment I've heard it, I was voicelessly dedicating to him my every single tune. He was my everything. The whole was disappearing when I had him in my arms. I noticed it too late, unfortunately.

So, even if we were in love it was very poisonous and weird kind of love. Some say that true love doesn't need words. At least it was something I heard once or twice. If so, then, it was like this in our case. We were loving each other without words. What we were doing had been speaking for us.

"But what if?" he asked again, stubbornly as always and I couldn't help but chuckled quietly, pressing small kiss on his hair. For the very first times we were sleeping together, his hair was tickling me a lot and he was laughing his ass out at me when I was wiggling like an eel, giggling. At some point though, even these small tickles were nice. And I got used to them so much that the nights without him by my side were like a nightmare. Even if sometimes I was waking up with my mouth full with his hair. I guessed it was the same in his case, even if he was avoiding to confess it.

"You won't." I repeated again and shook my head amused when he opened up his eyes to look at me, ready to pout. He had never liked when I was answering at his serious questions like this, but I enjoyed teasing him so much that I couldn't stop myself. I admit I was getting too far sometimes, really pissing him off, but tonight, it was just a playful teasing. He seemed to be moody, though. Since I sneaked into his hotel room, he let me go only once or twice when I needed to pee. He was clingy and even if I didn't mind it at all, I was just a bit worried. I was worrying about him a lot. Sometimes I was putting around him mother like care, but I couldn't and I didn't even want to help it.

I quickly shifted a bit and pressed soft kiss on his lips just in time when he opened them to say something. My methods of shushing him seemed to be working pretty well after all. He must have liked it, because he purred for more. Stretching a bit, he leaned closer and I kissed him again. Touching his lips gently I was able to feel that they were dry, that's why I licked them what made him giggle in surprise. I moved my tongue and this time, licked the very tip of his nose. He blinked, giggling even more and it made my heart race. Seeing him happy was making me happy too. When his smiles were not forced, his eyes were getting brighter like he had little suns shining there. Sometimes, though, suns had been covered by very heavy and stormy clouds. As I was spending more time with him, I was also able to notice a lot of things that might have been ridiculous to an average person.

He rolled, pulling me on top of himself and this time I blinked surprised. He grinned sheepishly as his hand slid down my back. His nails were longer than the man's nails, painted in black, as I noticed before. They were short enough to not disturb his guitar playing, but at the same time, long enough for him to make a pretty well use of them. My back and thighs were full with little, red, scratching marks but I didn't mind it. His body was, after all, covered with red marks too, coming from my lips. We were marking each other. Giving ourselves signs of our own possessiveness and affection. I loved receiving such marks from him and I loved giving them to him too.

His index finger were tracing my spine as he was purring, slowly closing his eyes. He looked tired, but I didn't dare to move. Every single touch of his cold skin against my hot was making me tremble. I didn't know why he was always so cold. We were so different, yet so similar. My back arched against his hand and I felt like I could melt under these touches. This time I purred and I noticed it made him smile. Just like he tried to please me in every possible way. He couldn't even imagine how well he was doing so.

In the dim light he seemed to be even more magnificent. His face had been lightened up by the little lamp beside the bed and even if I couldn't see his eyes, because they were closed, I knew that they were sparkling too. My beautiful. He was mine. All mine. He belonged to me. I shifted a bit. Few months ago he would probably flinch and look at me anxiously, frightened by the thought that I could get up and leave him. Right now though he didn't even move which meant that he was trusting me for real. It took me long enough to achieve it and I wasn't going to do anything to lose it. For a second I buried my face in his hair, breathing his scent. I could never compare it to anything. He was just smelling like himself and I was able to smell it even if he was wearing perfumes. Then I gently bit on his neck and he purred louder, tilting his head. One of his cheeks got snuggled against the pillow, giving me more space on his neck. Such a teaser. So I started pressing soft kissed all over his skin, biting and nibbling on it from time to time. He was purring non stop, but as my kisses got lighter and softer, his purrs got quieter too. He was still rubbing my back regularly, but lazier than before.

I pulled back to look at him. His lips were parted and I smiled, probably very warmly and lovingly, before I rolled out, taking my spot next to him. I shifted on my side, facing him. I didn't have to wait too long. What's more, just after a second I felt how he turned on his side as well, snuggling right into my opened up for him arms. I pressed a kiss on his forehead while he snuggled against me more, pressing lips to my neck. I felt him smiling.

"So what if I disappear one day?"