vanish : matty healy / george daniel oneshots

Nobody Else

George tucked his hands into his jacket pockets, attempting to shield himself from the cold, bitter winter air he had grown so used to. He was always cold, despite growing up in a place with such a frigid climate. He had began to take notice notice of his own coldness more so now than when he wasn't alone. Matty was always with his new girlfriend, leaving George alone. George and Matty had been friends for forever, and talking to somebody else never felt quite the same as talking to Matty.

George also blamed his dependency on Matty on the fact that their relationship used to be more than just a platonic friendship. At this point, George knew what they had was irrelevant to Matty. However, seeing Matty happy was all that mattered to him, or at least that's what he told himself. He knew dwelling on what Matty and him had wasn't healthy, and that he needed to move on. George had tried date other people. He tried several times, but no one made him feel quite as happy as Matty.

Matty was different than other people. Matty made George feel warm inside, in a way that no one else he dated could. He often thought that maybe that was part of the reason he was colder now that Matty is absent. And of course, Matty wasn't completely gone. He was just unavailable in a way he had never been in the past. George tried to say that this didn't hurt him, but he knew deep down it did.

George was dating someone now. He cared for her deeply, he just didn't feel the happiness that Matty made him feel. She didn't make George's heart rate increase when they touched, or give George butterflies when they were close. He didn't think much of it, he didn't allow himself to. Everything was different with Haile. Their kisses didn't hold nearly as much meaning as Matty's hands brushing against George's own. Everything was amplified when it was with Matty, not her. He thought this made him quite a dickhead, considering she had no clue that George had these lingering feelings for Matty. It was unfair to her, and George knew it. He should tell her, but something about having her around takes his mind off from Matty–temporarily, at least.

George's thoughts swirled around his head as he walked further down the street, nearing to Matty's flat. Matty had texted him frantically to come over, and George had came as quickly as he could've. He thinks that he cut down a twenty minute walk into a five minute jog. He ran up the stairs in Matty's building, coming to his apartment and knocking on the door. After what seemed like minutes, but was really only around ten seconds, Matty shouted at George through the door.

"Come in, it's unlocked," and George did as Matty said, entering his apartment and being sure to remove his shoes. George was rather surprised he told him to come over, as they generally see each other at George's place. It was just a preference of Matty's, he supposed.

As he shut the door behind himself, he walked into Matty's living room, his eyes immediately falling onto Matty, who was curled up on his couch, sobs violently racking his body. George quickly took off his coat, not really caring where it went when he threw it off, and sat on the couch beside Matty. Matty made it so he was no longer curled up, but so his head was resting on George's shoulder. George said nothing, keeping quiet and rubbing Matty's shoulder, as he knew pushing Matty to talk would get him nowhere.

"Thank... you for... c-coming over, George," Matty spoke after a long silence, his voice hoarse and catching on nearly every word.

"That's what best friends are for, right," George murmured, trying not to talk too loudly in fear of possibly startling Matty. He smiled down at Matty, trying to stay as positive as possible, despite being so sad about seeing Matty upset. Matty deserved so much happiness.

George pulled Matty closer to him, and Matty was essentially laying on his lap at that point. George decided to break the silence, realizing that Matty wanted him to talk, not the other way around.

"What's happened?" George inquires, his voice soft.

"G-Gabby and I broke up," he confessed, his voice stronger than when he had first spoken. "She, well, she thought that you and I had something going on behind her back, and," Matty paused, his sobbing continuing, "I told her several times that, that nothing was happening, and she wouldn't listen, and she left," Matty managed to elaborate, his crying only worsening.

George was unsure of what to say to Matty. While he was upset about Matty being upset, the words that echoed through his mind were the ones saying that nothing happened between him and Matty. Something did happen while Matty and Gabby were together, and whether he had forgotten the encounter or not, George hadn't. He deliberated on what to say, finally deciding it was best to not bring up what had happened that night at George's house in Matty's drunken state.

"I'm sorry Matty. I'm really sorry," was all George could say because he didn't want to upset Matty further.

After a silence, Matty continued, seemingly ignoring George's apology. "I mean, I know what we did that night was wrong, but we were both drunk, and it didn't matter, right?"

George's heart sunk. He knew that Matty didn't quite feel the same about George as George did about him, but he never expected Matty to say it didn't matter. "Matty," he paused, collecting his thoughts, "I wasn't drunk," he equivocated. He couldn't quite tell what Matty was thinking, but he wished he could. He knew that Matty could see right through what he said, no matter how vague it was.

"Then why did you kiss me?" Matty whispered, but he knew the answer. He just wanted to hear it coming from George.

"This is about me, this is about you. What else happened with Gabby?" George digressed, trying to ignore the blush that was so obviously painted across not only his own cheeks, but also Matty's.

"No, George, you aren't allowed to deter answering such an important question," Matty said, obviously becoming frustrated with George. George didn't know why Matty was so adamant about him answering this question, but he was so frustrated, he didn't really care.

"If it matters so much, fine. I like you. Actually, no–I love you. I've always adored you since the moment we met, and I knew I had to ignore it. Not because of your sexuality, God, that definitely wasn't a problem, but because I didn't want to ruin the friendship. Do you know how hard it is to put an entire friendship on the line just so you can kiss someone you've known and you've been in love with for nearly ten years? Of course you don't, because you were drunk and it didn't matter to you. You didn't care. It meant nothing. Sorry I ever thought it might have," George stood up and ended up yelling at the older man, and felt slightly bad knowing he was already hurting, but in that moment, the rash decision didn't matter much to him.

Matty did the one thing George wouldn't have expected him to do. He stood up, looked George in the eyes, and pulled his face close to his, their lips nearly touching. "Is this what you wanted?" He asked, and George knew that if he closed that gap between them, nothing would be the same.

"Matty... are you sure? You just broke up with Gabby and I don't want to be the rebound," George replied, trying to make it clear that no matter how much he wanted this, he couldn't just be a second choice.

"George, you don't get it, do you?" George looked down at Matty, his confusion evident in his eyes. "Wow, you really don't. George, I've tried to get with you for nearly ten years now, and you just ignored it," He said, his voice cracking. George could tell he was on the verge of tears.

George couldn't bring himself to kiss Matty, so he pulled him closer to his body, wrapping his arms around Matty's waist loosely.

They stayed like this for several minutes, before Matty pulled away and spoke. "I can't do this, I'm sorry, please leave," he said with hurt in his voice.

And he left.