Why Aren't I Normal?

1

I layed in bed, a warm mug of cider in my hand. The annoyingly hot-for-fall temperatures outside settle in my room due to the lack of an AC. I swirl the cup around to keep the cider from settling only for some to splash out of the mug and land on my shirt. Sighing, I close my eyes, take the mug with both hands, and sip the warm cider. Feeling the warmth go down my throat I relax slightly and imagine a world unlike my own. A world where the most common phrase I hear isn't "Why can't you just be normal for once?" It has been 2 years since I have spoken even a single word to someone, all my friends have just left me behind, my parents lost hope in me, and my professors have given up on me. It isn't that I can't physically talk because I can, but I chose not to. I'm not sure what caused this, no one does, but now I don't speak anymore, I don't want more people to yell at me to shut up. I used to sing, I used to be a team captain, but everyone hated me anyways. It has been 2 years since I have touched my dust covered guitar in the corner of my tidy room, 2 years since I have picked up my journal and wrote a song, and 2 years since I have sung. I wiped away a single tear that started to form in my eye and sat up. I turned my music off and placed my mug on the table next to my bed. I was strong, I knew I could do something. I got out of bed for the first time that Saturday and slowly walked over to my guitar, blowing away some of the dust. I reached a shaky hand towards in and grabbed the neck, before letting go and letting out a stream of tears. I can't do it I thought to myself I can't play again the memories hurt too much. I walk back to my bed and cry into my pillow, eventually falling asleep.

I was woken up by my mom shaking me lightly, "Danelle, I brought your dinner."

I rubbed my eyes and sat up, taking the tray of food and setting it on my lap. My mom left the room with one last glance at me. She always just brought my meals, never really ever spoke with me anymore. No one ever spoke to me anymore unless they had to, even my professors. I ate silently, the only sound being the light pitter patter of the rain against the windowsill and roof. I quickly finished and left my room for the first time in awhile, setting my dishes in the sink and walking back to my room, ignoring my mother and father's whispers of how I actually left my bedroom for once. I sat back on my bed and pulled out my laptop, finding myself looking to see when the next school football game is. The website flashed with colors, a banner across the top saying the next game was in an hour, and not yet sold out. I haven't left the house, unless I was going to school, for 2 years. I reached over the bed and grabbed my purse and saw I had $10, enough for a ticket and something to eat. Today was finally the day I would leave the house, finally the day I would make an effort to get better. Today, I would become me again.

I quickly went into my closet and looked around at all my bland clothes. I would need to go shopping. I pulled out my phone and sent a text to my mother, asking for $50 to go shopping for new clothes. She walked into my room and spoke quietly.

"A-are you going out?"

I nodded and smiled, pointing towards all my bland clothes and shaking my head at them. My mother looked like I had just admitted to killing someone, but gave me money. She gave me a light smile and handed me the car keys, I passed my driving test last year but don't have my own car. I smiled back and mouthed the words thank you. She walked out of my room, probably going to tell my father. I pulled on a hoodie and a pair of jeans before slipping on gym shoes and walking out of the house. I got into the car and started driving towards the store, I will find the old me I know she's in there somewhere. It might take some time, but I will find her.