The Marauders: Year Five #Wattys2017

I Loved You James Potter

James looked perplexed, "Excuse me?"

"You can't be chasing her and expect her to turn around to let you catch her," Maryrose explained, "She'll run forever if you keep chasing after her. But if you stop... if you don't fall at her feet at her every beck and call... she'll take notice of that. It'll pique her curiosity. It'll draw her in, see... and before you know it, James Potter, she'll be trying to make you notice her again, and Lily will be chasing after you."

James actually laughed at that. "Are you mental? Lily Evans, chasing after me?"

Maryrose answered, "I promise you, James Potter, and I'll promise on anything you wish. If you leave her to it, she will come to you."

James could feel the sincerity in Maryrose's voice. Could this mental suggestion actually be true? Were girls that insane that the moment they couldn't have something was the moment they'd actually want it? Would getting Lily Evans really be as simple as not wanting her anymore? He blinked at Maryrose with his wide brown eyes.

"Girls have this unbelievable knack for wanting exactly what they can't have, James," Maryrose explained.

And even as James thought on how stupid an idea it was, he suddenly realized something... Lily Evans had been speaking to him like a normal person now and then in the last few months. She'd looked at him funny a few times that had made his stomach twitch. He remembered her eyes in the Divination classroom the term before, after the ghost of Mopsus had exploded into clock bits and her eyes just the day before after running through the rain... She'd never looked at him like that before. And both times it'd been him that had walked away, hadn't it? Been him that had broken off the moment...

Maryrose ran her hand down his torso, then stood up, pushing her hair behind her ears. "I need to go, James. I can't stay here with you, it hurts too much, but there you have it." She drew a deep breath. "I hope, James, that you get everything you want and that you and Lily Evans have a very long and happy life together." She said it very sincerely, and it brought tears to James's eyes.

You're an idiot for not loving Maryrose, he told himself, An absolute idiot.

He watched her turn about and start to walk away through the trees.

"Wait," he said, and he got up and swept the tears from his eyes, "Wait. You're going the wrong way. Let me walk you back to the castle."

Maryrose choked, "It hurts to look at you right now, James. Honestly."

"Then let the stag walk you back," he replied, and he changed. The sight of James Potter melting off and the stag appearing before her gave Maryrose goosebumps because it felt just so metaphorical...

The stag walked alongside Maryrose through the trees, all the way to the edge of the woods, and she kept her palm on his fur, her hand shaking as she held on, wanting this long walk to be over so she could run to her dorm, press her face into her pillow, and cry her heartbroken soul to sleep. She understood, but she hated it, and she couldn't help but wonder if she'd ever be whole again.

When they reached the end of the bracken and the moonlight flooded grass stretched away before them, Maryrose stroked the snout of the deer gently and he pressed his leathery nose into her palm and she sighed and whispered, "Goodbye, James Potter." He honked in the depths of his throat. She closed her eyes, gathered up her strength, and she walked away without turning back.

He watched her go, standing there, his tail flicking... and he let out a low cry... a sort of guttural version of the emptying balloon sound that Sirius had punched him for making over the summer. It was a hollow, sad sound, and he hung his head, the antlers as heavy as his heart, and he stepped back into the trees. He wasn't ready to go back to being James Potter - the boy who broke the heart of the one who loved him, the foolish prat who made dumb choices and chased after girls who didn't feel a thing for him. What if Lily Evans never did come 'round to him? What if he'd just let go of the only person who ever would love him?