Shit College Girls Say

"That Was My Self-Defense Noise"

  I was a lonely freshman that wanted friends, so I was willing to put up with anything. My roommate had just moved in and we both had a shared acquaintance (a.k.a the red-headed demon) who came for a visit. It started when our friend charged into the room and gave me a flying hug tackle after a very long and stressful day for all three of us. Caught entirely by surprise, I let loose this demonic screech that sounded like a cross between a chicken being choked to death and a raccoon growling. My roommate and our friend began laughing.  "What was that?"

I looked at them and smiled proudly and then in a timid voice I whispered, "That was my self-defense noise."

They practically fell to the ground with laughter.

We were all exhausted from that day and a little punch drunk. I was about to go to bed when our friend hopped onto my bed and refused to get up. I picked up one of my pillows and hit her with it, successfully chasing her off my bed and onto my roommate's bed. Our friend made a joke at my expense and I playfully hit her again.  My roommate joined in and our friend stole the pillows and laid down on top of them. My roommate and I tried our very hardest to get them back but it was all for not. I could not get my pillows back.

So we started hitting her with everything we had. Blankets, t-shirts, dirty clothes, towels....

And she just kept adding them to her pile of shit we had been hitting her with, eventually we ran out of things to hit her with and gave up.

I just wanted my pillows back. Then, my ever brilliant roommate noticed that she was up against the wall on her bed. Without a word to either one of us, she grabs the bed and yanks out from under our friend and towards the center of the room, watching our friend roll off the bed and onto the cold, tiled floor. 

Time goes by and we keep getting louder until there's a knock at the door. I open it and there is the RD. She pops her head in to let us know that the ladies that live directly below us filed a noise complaint. She looks around to see our friend and frowns. "Oh, it's you," she said then left.