TARDIS TALE

two

As the Doctor came back, his skin was still very pale but not as green as before. He performed a small flop to sit down on the sofa standing somewhere on the left side of the living room. "Do you have cucumbers and whipped cream at hand?"
That question made him tilt his head. "Cucumbers and cream? I thought Timelord body control was higher than a normal human one's... Cravings shouldn't affect you this much, Doctor." "There were some more things that went wrong during this regeneration, Jack...", the Doctor sighed and let his head lean against the back of the sofa.
He picked up a blanket from the staple next to the couch and gently placed it over the Doctor's body, tucking him in. "Take a nap, you need to rest. Your body needs a break from all the world saving." He managed to smile for the first time in the past months. "I will go and get some cucumbers and cream in the meantime." The Doctor nodded and closed his eyes. "Just don't blow up anything until I am back, okay?" Another nod from the Doctor and Jack stepped out of the living room, closing the door behind him almost silently. He searched for his old and worn out shoes, those in which he fought so many battles and saw so many people die, and put them on. The old leather coat would be enough to keep him warm on his way. His heart was already frozen anyways.
His thoughts wandered back to the House of the Dead where he had seen Ianto for the last time. The very last time ever. Every time he thought about his wonderful boyfriend, a dagger was violently pushed into his bleeding heart. Ianto was dead for good and there was no way of him ever coming back. Not this time. And this time, his own heart fell to pieces. Millions of little pieces scattered all across the universe through all of time and space. His feet stopped and he leant to the next wall for support. Dry sobs let his shoulders tremble and then came the tears. All those tears he had held back for so long, just to make himself believe he was strong and he could get over the loss of Ianto. They went down his cheeks in small rivers and dripping down onto his coat and pullover, forming small ponds that were soaken up into the fabric instantly.
After some time, the salty droplets had come to an end. He straightened his back, quickly wiped over his face with one hand and continued his way to the grocery store. He could not help himself but think of Ianto again once he saw all the familiar streets and paths they used to walk along during summer. He sniffed his nose to prevent another session of crying in public and blinked a few times before he finally entered the shop. Cucumbers and cream, that was what he needed to get.

It was like being buried alive in Cardiff when he stepped into the store. It was crowded with people and the lines at the cashier were incredibly long. He looked around and headed for the vegetable section. No cucumbers, of course. Maybe he could at least get the cream.
He couldn't, the last can was already in the hands of an elderly woman who seemed to be planning to bake a cake or something.
Great! He tried to get out of this place immensely packed with utterly normal people who knew absolutely nothing about this world. They didn't know how much was out there and what they could lose on a really bad day. But he knew. He had lost things they would never understand. It hurt him so much to see all of them so happily. Having a family or maybe just good friends. But they had someone. He had nobody besides the Doctor and the Doctor was irrelevant in that context. The Doctor wasn't a friend, he was only little more than an acquaintance dropping by every few months.
He had finally made it out of the store and went on to next one. At least, they had cucumbers and cream. He bought a pack of them and a few cans of already prepared whipped cream like you spray it onto cake.
As soon as he had gotten outside again, he headed for his small home. On a normal day - one without the Doctor - he would have sat down on the bench in the park on the way and looked across the water, wishing the waves would bring Ianto back. Just one more time so he could protect him from anything.
But today, there was a pregnant timelord waiting for him and cucumbers with whipped cream.
His heart was full of shivers and pain when he walked past the park and the bench he knew so well. A block away from the park, he turned around and went back, running towards the bench and sitting down a little bit out of breath, folding his hands in his lap. The seabirds flew high above his head and cried some message into the rough wind that was so typical for the coastal parts of Cardiff.
The tears began to flow again and stained his shirt with salty bits when they dried away in the cold breeze. His sobs became quieter after a while and he straightened his back and shoulders when he got up again. There was nothing left to do about bringing Ianto back. It was impossible since that day at the House of the Dead. His life had become a complete mess, travelling across time and space to forget about everything. But it hadn't worked. So instead, he had become a daft and sad man full of grief, trying to get over the loss of something he couldn't forget because it was the person he still loved the most that he had lost. His beloved spouse Ianto Jones.