The Bloodied Thirty Pieces

23 - And I Think to Myself

"Are you ready, miss Rose?"

Ruby shook her head and backed away, looking at her feet her body shaking with fear. Ozpin, Goodwitch and Epimetheus watched her patiently, not saying a word as Ozpin stood with his hand on the door handle. Instinctively her body turned her right side away from the three, her hand coming up to rest on her shoulder trying to hid the stump of her right arm dressed in clean white bandages. Ruby wanted to run, she couldn't go in there. After all she had done how could she walk through that door. She wanted to go back to her cell.

"Miss Rose," Epimetheus said, putting a hand on the young girl's shoulder. "I understand your hesitation. You have recovered well, but you must make this step now."

"How?" Ruby asked, barely a whisper. "How can I go in there, after everything I did?"

She felt the old man's hand tighten just a fraction on her skin and his breathing hitch, then relax again.

"Life is unpredictable. We all make choices or decisions based on the information and the view of the world we are given. Not all of these choices are right, but we make them. You can't let the fear of facing the consequences of your actions control you however, or you will stagnate and fall in despair over what was. You must keep moving forward."

Ruby didn't say anything, didn't move besides her shaking. In truth she was as much afraid of the man holding her shoulder as the people in that room. She knew he was one of her judges, the ones that decided her ultimate fate, and he was the one she worked hardest to apologize to, to make up for everything she had done. He should hate her, yet a month after the funeral of his daughter and he was helping her face her fears of walking through that door.

Epimetheus sighed and removed his hand. "Miss Rose. You are ready for this."

Ruby took a deep breath, her body calming, and nodded to Ozpin. The headmaster smiled and pushed the door open, light spilling out into the hallway onto Ruby, warming her in its embrace. Ruby withdrew from the touch, shielding herself with her arms and looking back down at her feet.

It had been four months before she had been here, standing in this doorway in front of the familiar wooden door. To say she was nervous was an understatement. She was terrified. She was retried what the people through the door will say, what they would do. Despite what she had done, they would accept her, forgive her love her. And that killed Ruby more than anything, that despite the blood on her hands, they would love her.

Ruby looked away from the door and from the light. She didn't want to be here, she wanted to be back in her cell. A flicker of movement caught her attention. For a brief second she saw the ghosts of her and Jaune sitting on the floor backs against the wall; Ruby bit back a choked cry, that was the night she found him locked out, when she encouraged him to be a better leader and that his teams needs came before his. Nothing's had been simple then, they both had been so innocent. Ruby looked away from the ghosts of a memory to her arm, the largest reminder of her tragedy, her mistake, her sins. She didn't deserve to be here, standing so close to her, to them, to the room Pyrrha.

She didn't deserve to be alive.

A memory assaulted her for thinking those words, for believing them. A myriad of voices assaulted her, attacking her and all shouting the same thing, almost in a chant. Ruby deserved to live, Ruby deserved to live. All of them, all of the voices, the memories off her friends, her family, the teachers and even the other students who visited her who helped her, all said the same thing, gave reason after philosophy after words of encouragement and care. But above the storm, the chorus and chant's in her mind stood Jaune, staring back at her with his blue eyes balanced between wrathful anger and caring compassion.