It was four in the morning. Joel was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, looking at his tired reflection. There were dark circles under his eyes, his slightly curly hair was unusually messy, and overall, he just looked exhausted. He wasn't wearing his glasses, so he could barely see, but he didn't mind it.
At least I don't have to see every single detail of my ugly face.
He chuckled bitterly at the thought and looked away, clenching his fists. After a few seconds he sighed, starting the water, and letting the cold liquid run through his fingers for a while. Then he let it fill his hands and splashed it on his face, repeating the action one more time. He took his grey towel and dried his face. After that, he turned off the lights and left the bathroom, quietly closing the door behind him. His eyes fell onto Ahren's sleeping frame. He looked so peaceful. His eyes were closed, eyelashes fluttering once in a while, a small smile appearing on his lips for barely a second. That made Joel's lips curl into a sad smile too.
He must be dreaming about something nice. Oh, how I envy you, Ahren.
He shook his head, sighing softly, and walking over to his own bed. He laid down and covered himself with his grey blanket.
Should I even try to fall asleep tonight? Is it worth it? The school starts in a few hours...
He slipped his hand under the pillow and pulled out his notebook with lyrics along with a pen, turning on his small table lamp in the process. He opened the notebook with his shaky hands, took a deep breath, and then he just poured his heart out on the paper. His eyes were trying to focus, but it wasn't working. He could barely see the words he was writing, but he didn't care. He just needed to let it all out.
I've been there I've done that
I'll probably be back
My heart pounds my chest hurts -
It only gets worse
I've been there I've done that
I'll try not to go back
Death calling - "just collapse"
But I won't, no fuck that
I try to fight it, depression I hide it
My tail between my legs
Searching for one last breath
I swear I can do this
Just need to pull through it
His eyes were drooping, but he was too scared to fall asleep because of his nightmares. Especially now, when he wasn't alone. He looked over to the younger boy and smiled. Ahren's chest was slowly rising and falling. His lips were slightly parted, and he was making cute soft noises that reminded snores. In that moment, the boy was the most adorable thing in the world to Joel.
Oh, no. I can't afford these feelings. Not right now... Not ever.
He bit his lip and looked away, taking a deep breath. After a few seconds, he just shook his head and closed the notebook, putting it back under the pillow along with the pen.
Joel spent the rest of the night staring up at the grey ceiling, thinking about nothing, yet everything at the same time.
YOU ARE READING
Give It All (Jahren)
FanfictionAhren is starting college and he's very confused. His new roommate Joel is helping him out and fixing his problems while fighting with his own demons. He acts like he's alright, but in fact, he's slowly drowning in his own mind. And he's also fa...
