the kissing project :: lrh

"--tomorrow came, you didn't,"

knowing luke would be leaving soon, and just because i had to pretend i didn't want him around, didn't mean inside i couldn't admit to myself i wanted to see him and was super anxious for him to get to the diner.

i had told him i had a thing for retro restaurants, and would drink a milkshake with him in the cute little old shake cups they put them in. a lot of cheesy opportunities i passed up, but i wasn't passing up this particular one.

i even put on a little skirt and fuzzy sweater, did my hair, and put a ton of effort into my makeup. apparently old diners were the key to getting me to actually be a girlfriend. i asked the seater if we could sit at the bar, though he gave me a funny look when i said ‘we’. luke wasn't with me, so i explained to the guy i was awaiting my boyfriend. which got less and less believable when luke wasn't there after awhile.

“was this the first date? did he stand you up, hun?” the man, whom i identified as max, according to his nametag asked me.

“no, actually. we've been dating for quite some time now. and he's gonna show up, any minute now. trust me.” i said with a noticeably fake grin as the guy, who i now knew as max took my cup of lemonade to refill it. i'd check my phone every minute, and no luke. i wanted to be devastated, but i knew if i was luke, with how i treat him, i'd have stood me up too.

after an hour or so of waiting, i got my jacket and purse, and went up to the counter to pay. there was no point in waiting any longer, he wasn't coming. the max who seated me and got my drinks was the same max who checked me out. he shot me a sympathetic look before speaking. “you deserve better, hun. and fyi, your makeup looks almost as stunning as you do. your boyfriend is really missing out, dear.” he said as he handed me the receipt to sign. i so badly wanted to make this guy understand i didn't deserve his comfort, but he was a stranger and i didn't need to explain my life to him, so i just smiled, grabbed my credit card, and went on my merrily way.

at an almost instant, as soon as i sat down in the driver's seat of my mom's car to go home, i remembered the little spot in the woods i told him to go to when something was bothering him. it was the place i went when something was bothering me. so before i blew a gasket, i did give consideration he could just be upset over something.

i put my keys in the ignition to turn the car on, and began to drive to the spot he'd told me about. i just couldn't help but think what might've been going through the poor boy's mind. what if the guys had gotten into his head once again? what if he was realizing just how i was treating him? even i myself was doing some realizing, like how stupid the kissing project was. just because we'd had teenage, highschool arguments, gave me the right to ruin the poor boy? wrongo. i finally pulled up to the tree lining and got out of my car. i walked through the trail of warn out, dead grass that we'd both paved out at this point. when i neared the end of the train, i saw a huge rock with someone on it. from my view, it was a girl. but as i inched closer, i could see a girl and luke. they were laughing and hugging, and just having a grand old time. at my fucking spot. at the spot i told luke to go to. not him, and the whole luke hemmings committee.

at this point, i was drenched in my own tears. ugly sounds that came from my mouth as i drug my body back to my car. i was losing luke, or maybe already did, and i had no one to blame but myself for it. i expected this, i pushed myself away for it, and it still felt like my lungs were filling up with poison. i thought i would be okay in the beginning, like him leaving wouldn't hurt, but just seeing another girl being affectionate with him made my heart punch itself. what was i to do though? finally tell him how i feel? what i had been doing? that i really do fucking need his crusty ass? what if i did? would it have even mattered? for some reason, i just felt like i was never luke wanted, not even in the beginning.