I Feel Disgusting

I Feel Disguting

Well... this isn't any story, not even story more like life, my life, I'm 14 living with divorced parents, to a regular human being I might seem ok, like one of those nerd that play games 24/7, "which I am". People assume that I play games all night because of the dark bags under my eyes, but not always to games I spend my time with... I spend time with the darkness of depression. Grade 8 even my teachers couldn't tell or child care services, to be honest I don't even know how they don't assume what's under that baggy sweater? What do the sleeves conceal? Some people have to look very carefully at me. To notice, at least I have my friend, hmmm? What shall we call her... oh yes! Let's call her "spring" she stuck by my side always no matter what. Her family was always my second family, if I were to run away" I  don't know why I haven't" I would be there nocking on there front door. Even though sometimes I live across town I have my ways, rides anything really. But even though this is no normal book... this is my life. 
1 year before present time
I was sitting at my table with my friends around me i sat, trying to think about what is going on in my life, but something was wrong that I could see in Paige's face and sierras, they looked devastated. Of course Sierra had to tell me, she came up to me "josh I-I have bad news" she looked depressed" he was talking shit about me and didn't want to be with me anymore he told me over text "..." i was speechless. I could feel the tears flow out of my eyes and my life leaked out of me like I was dead. I couldn't move...  I was in the corner, it was like someone was keeping me down but I wasn't resisting, like I tried to get up, people were poking there eyes at me here and there seeing what was going on I felt like I was just a fragment of something big but unfortunately blew up and I was left of what once was the best thing in my life. I called my sister as if that was the only thing I could do" he was the most important thing in my life, and now it's gone" I cried and cried. My grade 8 grad was not a day to remember to me anymore to me.
The next day came to me like that, even though I was up all night. To me the world was ruined and there was nothing for me to live for so I tried something that  didn't help at all, as I saw the blood leak out of me, the pain felt somewhat relieving, in a way. No one could help me, no one understands what I go through, what happens in my mind. I can't recap my feelings anymore, it brings my fears back into my eyes. I thought to myself" am I going to live any longer. But then I think about my friend spring and that's all I really have left right now. But surely I will need to live life and let the shit show take its corse. My high school was old like really god damn old, the floors look like they were gonna break and your gonna fall down, but that's not the case for now at least, every day I go to school for one reason. My geography teacher, she is so cool and TBH best teacher in all of st.Thomas, others may disagree. Spring and I would always sit beside each other because we're family in a way, people in the class thought I was shy, I never really thought I was shy because I would talk to her in class like 24/7, this is only my first semester so there is lots to come.