I took a deep breath as I stepped forward into the sea of students who were experiencing the same curiosity as mine. It was that time of the year again: when everyone would feel each other's anxiety.
Rankings.
The former year's rankings were never a thrill for a fact that everyone knew even before names were mentioned - we knew the top first and the bottom last. However this semester, things changed, and no one had been consistent in their rank. It was a new year of survival. Truth be told, today was the first time I had to get my ass to that forsaken bulletin board just to know my number.
The same bulletin board was the dull cause of making students realize if they failed or not. For the past years, I couldn't have bothered to look at my own rank since it would be announced eventually. It wouldn't make any difference at all. My classmates, the unsolicited news bearers, they were the ones who monitored my rank. Rank twelve. Their eyes were conspicuously suspicious. I really could not think of a reason behind their contempt but I eventually made fun of it. An inside joke where they go batshit crazy the moment they realize they couldn't get a hold of their silent classmate getting such a rank among a hundred forty-two students. Perhaps I was just obsessing with it, although they were clearly invested in my mystery.
"Look, I got rank sixty."
"Damn. Eighty-five."
"Rank fifteen."
Irritating screeches and cheers of the students had me distracted while I searched for my name. My eyes tracked from the median number since I didn't exactly have any high expectation about being on top. Thinking about it was like a perverse dream. Insanely, my name wasn't posted in the middle, thus the search reluctantly went to the first quartile. I was careful reading each name, stopping in a silent gasp when I saw mine.
Rank two.
This couldn't be happening.
I skipped ten ranks. My heart raced faster than normal. Sweaty hands were turning cold, I turned nervous, nauseous knowing that I had placed myself into the pits of the class' aversion.
Another thought came whispering in my mind. It lingered for a few moments. Curiosity killed the cat yet I was stubborn enough to look down the bottom. I sighed, seeing his name.
o| 동혁, 141
I tried enough to ward off the heavy feeling after having a sight of the name of the person obviously not worthy of my time and emotions. I immediately walked away, leading my feet to the empty corridors in the back building. I ran back to my classroom. I was never this early to be seen inside, and with the knowledge of the bizarre circumstance, they'd be stupefied . By now they could be starting the talk shit of the day. Maybe their hatred could be too much to bear, but it wasn't a worry. The feeling was mutual. My relationship with most of them, in a way, was conflicting like an estranged family member being tolerated yet unloved. Highschool was a mess, topping it off with a plethora of raging hormones.
Upon entering, their actions and words came and left my ears. All were none of my concern. I marched straight towards my chair and propped my arms on my desk. My head was angled to see the view outside. I had a window seat, graciously having the perfect place. I took my earphones and had my playlist in shuffle. To hell with their gazes, let them stare in disbelief.
A student obnoxiously tapped my desk. I was profoundly confused seeing a guy classmate. He smiled, successfully catching my attention. I took an earphone out of my left ear. "Huh? Can you say it again?"
"Yeonjoo, rank two." He grinned. It was Na Jaemin — one of those nicer kids. I eventually learned to put my guard down on him, and his friends Renjun and Jeno. "Congratulations!" He cheered. "Our puppy is really smart!"
I lightly smiled as he ruffled my hair - like a puppy. I had no idea how they came up with that. It was funny since Baekhyun, a known alumni, had that nickname. Jaemin was about to stride forward to Jeno's place but a loud thud echoed in the classroom, stopping him in his tracks. Jaemin looked at me and sighed. "The cute monster is pissed again."
I shouldn't have looked at him. It was not the plan. I should've ignored his presence but his actions were quite concerning. I wandered, searching for that old Donghyuck who'd always make the class smile and laugh endlessly.
Jaemin nonchalantly sighed, giving his plans up to be in his chair when the bell rang after Donghyuck's entrance. The literature teacher was already in front.
/
I didn't have the energy to listen to any of the lectures. My mind was in full steer in thoughts, scenarios perched in my mind in lieu of today's events. It had been starting already.
The class was making their way to the cafeteria. In the testimony of the words I gathered, girls were perpetually pissed, their eyes rolling like wheels on the road and their shoulders colliding unapologetically into mine. Words from their problematic mouths spread like butter. Boys would do their thing. Make everything worse.
I never had the chance to ask them the reason for their disdain (or to put simply, hatred). Why were they treating me as if I were a criminal? Did I somehow hurt their feelings before? Did I commit a mistake I never knew? Did I steal? After all the years we spent, how in the world did no one call me out for my faults if there were any?
I lost almost all my friends and acquaintances for some divine misfortune. No one had told me. Should I make that lighter? I didn't get the memo that they would be ignoring me the same day I lost my person.
I waited for the day to end. It was difficult - overthinking. I barely spoke. I was forcing myself to unhear those unnecessary remarks however I couldn't. Controlled breathing was the way to control myself. Focus? Attention? Not for today.
I walked out of the campus. I took a quick bus ride and decided to walk again after the stop. I saved money. A senior offered me a ride home but I refused. My guts told me to walk. Cleared a few heart strings on the way.
I got rid of the itchy necktie, throwing the thing inside my bag.
"AH!" I heard a shout. I was past an old abandoned building still in the process of construction. It followed another wave of action. Words of contempt spouted here and there. I stopped and looked around. I stood there outside for a few minutes.
It did not make sense to stand a building away from potential trouble but a human limped out of the building. He was badly wounded. Blood was oozing out from his lips. His face was covered in dirt, a black eye hinting.
I gasped. "Donghyuck."
His eyes had found his way to meet mine, then he ran. Why was he there? Why did he get into such danger?
I tried to chase after him but my phone rang.
"Yes, auntie. I'll be there in twenty minutes."
