The Balcony Scene

1

~Kellin's POV~

My breath left my mouth in heavy, dense clouds as I made my way to school. My hands were covered by gloves and I was keeping my head down. It was the first day back after the summer and I definitely wasn't ready for this. I'd tried all summer to get rid of my awful habits but they didn't leave, I'd only learned more that I now couldn't leave alone. My lips were chapped and scabbed, when I smiled they would begin to bleed again. I looked like a mess.

I'd also learned to be picky with what food I could and could not eat. I'd lived off the same foods all summer and the weight had dropped off me so easily I was practically skin and bones now. It had been an accident and my parents knew that, they were just trying to help me to overcome my ticks but we all knew that I'd never fully get rid of them after I'd learned them.

Another new one was masturbation. I couldn't remember how it had started but now I often felt the itching need to release. My parents of course didn't know about this tick, and I prayed they never would, it was embarrassing and I couldn't stop. Even just thinking about it now made my skin crawl with need, but I was forcing myself not to. I knew I couldn't do that right now.

My school came into my view and a frown formed on my face. I wasn't the best at school, I got average grades usually, nothing special, but they'd begun to slip at the end of last year. I really wasn't looking forward to the stressing and crying over my homework. The familiar sounds of voices met my ears and I felt the sudden need to crack everything in my body.

I began to crack my wrists as I was walking, shaky breaths falling from my lips. I had a few friends, we didn't really talk outside of school. I'm sure they thought I was weird with all my uncontrollable habits.

"Kellin!" Justin called out, bounding over to the gate which I had just walked through. The rest of the guys were following him, they looked shocked by my appearance, but I couldn't say I cared. I knew I just look like complete shit though, I barely weighed anything.

"Hey guys." I said softly, looking around at them, but not making eye contact. That made me feel awkward and I didn't want to do that.

"What happened to you?" Jack asked me, he sounded a little worried. I felt a little bad about it.

"Nothing, I just.. New ticks." I shrugged awkwardly and cracked my knuckles next, looking anywhere but at the guys.

"Like what? What made you do that to your lips and lose all that weight?" Gabe pressed.

"I uh, picky eating and biting my lip. I didn't mean to, I just couldn't eat anything but the same 4 or 5 foods for the entire holiday." I muttered, looking down at my feet. "My lip, I just peeled the skin off of them, and they bled. That's all."

"But that's not normal Kellin." Justin frowned, "You've really got to try and not give into the ticks."

"I am trying!" I raised my voice, getting angry at them all. "You don't fucking have them, so you wouldn't know what it's like. It makes me skin crawl, I want to pull it off, scratch away everything." I hissed, making eye contact for a moment with all of them briefly. My eyes I'm sure were wild and bloodshot.

They all looked taken a back by my sudden outburst, Justin was a little upset. I didn't care though, I just stormed off to class, pushing past them. None of them called out to me, I'd possibly lost my only friends I'd had since pre-school. But I didn't care too much, that means I don't have to worry about pleasing anyone anymore. I can be alone.

As soon as I got to my first class I made my way to the back of the classroom and sat down. I took out my sketchbook and began to doodle so I could distract myself from the ticks. The classroom slowly filled up, it would be new people in the classroom because of it being the first day back. I was a little nervous, so I began to crack my fingers, glancing around at everyone.