Promises.
I remember when we used to create promises to each other. Promises that we promised to keep and fulfill. Promises that I hold onto, until the day you ended 'us'.
Promises that is etched eternally in my mind and heart.
A promise of everlasting happiness.
A promise of everlasting memories.
And, a promise of everlasting love.
I remember the day you ended 'us'. I remember the day when you broke numerous promises that we've made.
You promised to never hurt me. Yet, you did. You promised to never love anyone else but me. But you didn't. You promised to hold onto us until our last breath. But, you didn't. You promised to never let go. But, you did.
I remember asking you that same day, the question that I used to asked you whenever we fought, and I never expected to recieved a different answer for the first time since we've been together.
"Do you still love me?" I asked.
And when I saw the hesitation that passed through your eyes, I already knew.
I don't know how, I don't know why, I don't know when and I don't know where things went wrong.
That day, all I felt is the pain of losing someone I wished to keep the most. Losing someone who had been a huge part of my life. The pain I felt, when I knew that the promises we shared will never be fulfilled, comes crashing down until all I could do is cry and cry.
You broke our promises but I, not knowing how, managed to keep some of it fulfilled.
You promised me as I promised you an everlasting love. You broke your part in our promise, but I kept mine. I never actually knew that I can still love you continuously and madly despite the pain that I felt when I lose you.
You promised to never hurt me as I promised to never hurt you. How unfair is life when I kept this promise yet you didn't kept yours? You didn't feel the pain that I felt when I saw how you looked at her. That looked you used to give me. That smile you used to give me. How unfair it is to see you happy while I grieve for my broken heart. How can you hurt someone who loved you and only wanted nothing more than to be there for you?
You promised to never let go as I promised to never let you go. How can I keep this promise when the person I never wanted to let go already gave me up? I never wanted to let you drift away from me, yet you did. I wanted nothing more than to be with you but how can that happen when you've found your new happiness with someone who isn't me? I never wanted to keep you for myself, but what about me?
You promised to never love anyone else but me as I promised to never love anyone else but you. What does she have that I don't? How can I not be enough? I tried to be the best just for you, just to be with you. How can you love someone else while I'm still here stuck between letting go and holding on?
You promised to hold onto us until our last breath as I promised you the same. The truth that you will never fulfill this promise is enough to break my heart and my soul. You already love someone else and I'm still here loving you continuously and madly as I hanged myself to death.
Until my very last breath, I still thought of the promises that you broke and I kept.
Until my last breath, I am still holding onto 'us'.
And until my last breath, I am still truely, madly, deeply inlove with you...
