Diary of Me (Finding Myself)

Entry 8

Hello Diary.

I haven't written to you in a long long time.

A lot has changed, some for the better or the worse.

I am a lot happier now, no much so. In the time I was away I dated a man who was Christian, loved him, the church he went to... Then was used for a long time by him as well.

I have been fighting with my self harm and suicidal tendencies, as well and bulimia and anorexia. It is such a long hard fight, but I am starting to feel better.

I found a man who loves me as I am. He is not Christian though... But that is okay. 2 out of 3 of the men I dated were Christian and they treated me like crap, made me feel like crap. I had sex when I wasn't sober or in my right mind with my best friend who was Christian and he went MIA after too.

But this one... He knows I struggle with depression and anxiety, he knows about the self harm and eating disorders... But even then, even when I am struggling with it, he has been here for me so so much, he let's me know that I am perfect as I am, and that he loves, wants and needs me.

Now we both have our problems, we both have anxiety, especially in relationships. That is all thanks to ex's.

He has helped me with getting over mine, but I know his runs a bit deeper. It doesn't bother me, but he is afraid it is going to drive me away.

I love him, when he is worried I can tell and I want to talk and make him feel better, to reasure him.

God, I know we struggle with our realationship and I was so so angry. You are my God though, and even angry I love you, as I know you love me. I pray you help him heal, and let him know he is forever loved by you and me.

That's all for now, goodnight diary.