Self-Righteous

Elegy

   Politicians claim to have discovered the best way to evaluate human actions and establish the most righteous code of conduct.
   And I have discovered that politicians are pious liars.
   My findings came shortly after I watched my dad get shot in the head.
   And my brother. And my grandad. And my uncle.
   They were accused of being Perfidious and were immediately escorted to a Trial House.
   Whereupon their arrival they were most likely tortured and definitely publicly executed.
   Despite the name, my loved ones did not receive anything remotely akin to a trial.
   I had to drop out of school to put food on the table for my mother, grandmother, two younger sisters, and brother.
   My teachers were very upset as I was a highly intellectual and enthusiastic student who excelled in mathematics.
   My mother and I were upset because we didn't want to resort to selling my body.
  
   "It will not come to that, Lou." my mother says sternly. She is looking at me with an earnest yet somehow desperate expression. She looks as if she is trying to convince herself more than me.
   I lean forward in my hard, wooden chair and stare past her at the old coo-coo cloak on the wall.
   I watch two minutes pass by before I can manage to speak. "That's what Jane told her Eve... And look at her now-"
   I focus in on my mum as I feel rage seething from the dark place deep within "-towns number one prostitute!" My fists slam down on the table suddenly and my mother flinches.
  The only thing keeping her tears from running down her cheeks and into a small damp patch on her lap is sheer indignation.
   My fists sting but it does nothing to ground me. I jump up from my seat and look down at my weak and lying mother.
   "Don't look at me like that. You know it's fucking true!"
   All she does is turn her head from me and take a deep and shaky breath.
   My fury envelopes every part of me and takes control. I am so angry that I am past the point of shouting and am onto the gratingly quiet and calculating talk.
    I grab my mother by the shoulders and she looks at me in shock. I put my face right in hers and say slowly "You can't even trick yourself into thinking we can survive without me selling myself."
   I pause to study her face.
"So you can't even begin to fool me."
I see all distress of having been humiliated by failure turn to defeat. The trapped tears are finally released as a sob escapes her trembling lips.
   My hands that are on her shoulders move around to embrace her quivering form.
   The coo-coo clock strikes 11 and all is not well.