Having severe anxiety disorder is kind of like always feeling like something isn't right.
like someone is always watching you just waiting for you to mess up.
like being at the bottom of the ocean or a lake with a life vest made of stone.
like being lost in a sea of your thoughts because every possible outcome seems just as likely as the next.
like no matter your achievement you'll never be good enough.
like you don't matter.
like nothing matters.
it shows its self by means of isolation.
by not seizing opportunities.
by outbursts of anger.
by irrational rantings about anything and everything.
by self-harm and self-medication.
by showing me things that aren't there.
by making me hear things that aren't real.
by thoughts and eventually the action of suicide.
my anxiety makes me feel like I could do all the things I do in video games one minute and the next I feel like everything I touch will turn to ash.
my anxiety makes me feel like the entire world hates me and will chastise not only my every action but every word I speak.
my anxiety makes me feel like my most proud moments are even less special than someone simply taking a breath.
my anxiety makes me want to get in my car and drive away.
my anxiety makes me want to die.
my anxiety also taught me how to love limitlessly.
how to see the greatness in others when they can't see it themselves.
how to forgive.
how to be compassionate.
how to be empathetic
how to hope.
what strength means.
how strong I actually am.
my anxiety has caused me an enormous amount of pain, for a majority of my life.
but it's brought so much more joy than I could have on my own.
my anxiety is not who I am.
but it is what made me, and I have embraced that.
I found peace, in a disease that thrives on and creates chaos.
i found peace because anxiety made me fight.
it made me ask questions.
it made me face my emotions.
it made me face my fears.
it made me strong.
it made me faithful.
and it made me into the man im proud to be.
