I could see nothing, hear nothing. I was floating.
I couldn’t open my eyes, why? Why couldn’t I open my eyes? I wanted to see, to wake up.
I wanted to get back; even though my life’s falling apart I kept fighting. Because I don’t deserve this, I fell in love, is that a crime? I could still feel his glare on my back, the way he looked at me every time he saw me, like nothing ever happened to begin with.
I was truly nothing to him now, he’s forgotten everything we went through, everything we done together. I believed every kiss, every word he spoke to me; though it was all a lie to him it wasn’t to me, none of it. Every time he smiled at me, he must off been thinking about her. Every laugh, kiss, hug, every time he must off been thinking about her.
I think that’s what makes it worse, knowing I wasn’t worth it. He controlled me like a puppet on strings and he was my master always making my moves for me, always making me hear just what I needed to.
And now I’m a shell of myself, I realise this again and again in my head but I just can’t admit it to myself aloud. I’m so pathetic.
Times are hard and it seems like everyone’s left me. I remember a time where everything was different, life was simple. Why can’t it be like that again? Easy.
All around me the earth is crumbling, falling, dying. And I’m so hung up on a boy it feels like a whole has been punched through my heart and its perpetually going to be there, never moving, never growing smaller.
I needed to find my strength and I needed to find it fast; I was losing a battle I thought I’d never have to fight. A battle that wasn’t my own, but the people’s around me. I had to fight hard, though I felt weak. I just had to believe. But could I? Could I drag myself out of this hell for 5 minutes and not be selfish?
No, no I don’t think I could. Not yet, I was too deep, still floating, I can’t breathe, why can’t I breathe?!
Darkness
Floating
Light
Gone.
