i hate u, i love u

Still Missing Him

I slowly wake up and open my eyes against the light coming in through the window. My vision is a bit blurry and I sigh looking up at the ceiling rubbing my eyes until everything is clear again. I look over at the alarm clock sitting on my table. 9:13, that was the time. It's not like I had anywhere to be. I rolled over and saw familiar long hair laid against a bare back. It was Wiishu I knew that for sure. We had actually done it.

"Morning..." I softly muttered to her back tracing it between the shoulder blades.

She rolled over slowly, her eyes were still closed and a smile started pulling on the edges of her mouth. "Morning, cutie."

I remember back when we were first dating. We would always wake up calling each other our pet names for each other. She called me cutie and I called her pumpkin. "Last night was good, hm?"

She rolls her whole body to me now and puts a hand in my hair, twirling it between her fingers. "Better than I remember." She laughs her cute little short laugh. Or so it would be cuter if I wasn't still in love with Mark.

I look down and sigh. "I'm probably better from the practice with Mark."

She pulls her lip in between her teeth biting back a remark, instead she lets out a soft hum. I knew I shouldn't have said it but I didn't know what else to do. "Hey I didn't mean it like that. You mean a lot to me, okay?" Liar.

She nods her head slowly before softly saying, "I know how much you loved Mark. I understand the pain of someone you love leaving you abruptly for someone you thought you could trust."

I wince at her last sentence. I know she was talking about me leaving her for Mark. It had been so sudden and I wasn't sweet or smooth about it. I laid it out clear for her and left. But for some reason here she is in the same bed as me.

"I'm sorry, Wiishu. It doesn't matter now, okay? Mark is gone. You're here now. That's all that matters." I smile at her pulling her closer to her. Maybe if I lied to her I could lie to myself that I really was over Mark. I wish it was that simple.

"Okay." She nuzzles her head into my chest and I let out a small sigh. As much as this should feel right it didn't.

**AH I'm back. I might start updating more because we have to write for one of my classes anyways. Sorry this one is short but I'm gonna work on another section tonight. Sorry I've been gone so long.**