Hey.....
two rants in one day/night :)
ANXIETY
So practically none of my friends know I have a wattpad so I'm okay with putting this stuff out there. There's one person who follows me that I know in real life. Hi 👋🏻👋🏻.
Anywayyyy
I have many things wrong with me :/
- OCD
-ANXIETY
-social anxiety
-stage freight
-twitches
-another thing I will explain later**
So, I already made a rant on OCD so there's that out of the way :)
Anxiety, I have two forms, normal anxiety and social anxiety woohoo :/
So my normal anxiety- it's what causes me to have panic attacks, what happens is if a persons voice gets too loud, I will start to cry or if I'm being told that I need to bring up my grade blah blah blah I will have a mental break down. Like once I was being talked about between a teacher and my parents about something I needed help with a long time ago, they were talking to me like I wasn't there and the teacher(he) was looking at me and telling me he could help me with stuff and my parents were looking at me to see if I agreed, I couldn't stand the way they were looking at me so I quickly nodded and we left. I could feel the tears the whole way home.
Anxiety 2- social anxiety. So if anyone has first met me I'm usually a quiet person and I have to open up a bit more to trust and let the real me show through. (I'm a weirdo) the thing that bothers me is the fact that you have to start conversation with me or I will not even look at you or acknowledge your existence. I'm not trying to be mean it's just, I want to say hi, I want to engage in conversation I just can't. I get a feeling in my chest like it's compressing like there's an elephant sitting on my lungs and my stomach. So, talk to me first.
STAGE FREIGHT
I can't.
Nope
Nope
Nope
So if there's more than two people looking at me unless it's friends. Then I can't do anything, my whole body freezes, my hands start shaking and become pale and cold and I feel as if I can't breath. Which causes the tears from the pain in my chest. So, don't ask me to do things. And people are like "but ur in band you have to preform in from OF people all the time" umm no, I look at the music therefore not allowing me to look at the people looking at me :)
TWITCHES
hands
Head
Feet
Jaw
Everything
If I'm in an uncomfortable situation you will know by my many twitches.
THATS IT
OH
the other thing
People usually find this out the hard way but sometimes every month sadly along with my . (Lol) (please get that and not make me write it out) I get in this mood of ultimate depression type feelingness. I start to wonder if anything I'm doing is right and I think about all the things I do wrong. I get quiet and usually I cry myself to sleep. I don't hurt myself in any way shape or form but I do think about it. I know "you should see someone" but the moment I think it im like "naw". But yea
That's me :(:
