smile. || joshler ||

Ch. 25

Tyler stood up and grab his bag, throwing it on his bed, walking to his dresser and knocking everything off, causing a loud crashing noise as he let out a painful sob. He was so wrecked, so broken and hurt. Nothing was going right, life was just miserable for him.

He took his deodorant and threw it at his mirror, watching as his reflection broke, glass shattering around and everything fall apart. Josh made his life better, he fixed Tyler, but now the boy was worse than ever.

The urge was growing, Tyler went to his drawer and grabbed the razor. He glanced at the pieces of glass around his dressed and then at his razor. He wiped his eyes and pressed the razor to his wrist.

Relief.

Forgotten.

Numb.

It was better for Tyler to be numb now. He had to go back. Go back to before, where nothing effected him and he wasn't hurt by others.

So, he did.

-

Monday was the first day back. Over the weekend, Tyler ignored all of Josh's calls and tried not to look at his texts.

When he walked through the doors of the school, a blank look was on his face and he went straight to his locker. People would glance at him and he heard the whispers, but didn't bother trying to listen to their conversations.

Old Tyler was back.

"T-Ty...."

Tyler didn't look up when hearing Josh's voice. He simply put his book bag away and didn't carry anything, like usual.

""Please listen to me, I'm so sorry baby-" Tyler winced at the name, and Josh noticed. He frowned, and gently grabbed Tyler's hand. "You don't understand how much you mean to me-"

The bell rang and Tyler quickly ripped his hand from Josh's grip, walking away and glanced back, seeing the way Josh's face fell at the action.

When he went to lunch, Tyler skipped and his in his bedroom. Food was once again an enemy, he didn't need to eat for Josh anymore.

After last class, Tyler rushed out of class, but one of the guys from before suddenly stopped him, shouting, "Hey faggot, I heard your boyfriend dumped you!"

Tyler froze, along with some people in the hall. Tyler turned to him, and the smirking boy asked, "Did he realize how pathetic you are and that he didn't like emo freaks? Maybe he was never gay and just used you! I heard it was a dare."

Emotion showed and Tyler hated it. He hated how the words effected him. A tear threatened to fall and he tried walking away, but the boy grabbed his arm and he hissed in pain, the cuts opening slightly and the boy lifted his sleeve, laughing and told the people around, "Hey, guess what? I was right, the freak slices his wrist!"

And his worst nightmare occurred. It was like the world was in slow motion. How Tyler turned and saw everyone laughing, though some were sympathetic and just walked away. People whispered and pointed at him.

Tears were falling as he pushed through the crowd, he didn't care, he just shoved everyone out of the way and suddenly heard a soft voice ask, "Tyler, are you okay? Is it true?"

Jade attempted approaching him, eyes wide and full of pity. He couldn't answer, all that came out was a quiet sob, one that made the girls heart drop. When she went to hug him, Tyler shoved her and left.

His heart was racing, pounding in his chest and he ran and ran. Luckily, his dad wasn't home. He wen't inside and rushed to his room, lifting his sleeve and seeing the cuts bleeding slightly.

Everything was falling apart. People knew he cut, and usually he wouldn't care or at least act like he didn't. However, the thought of Josh only dating him because of a dare made him feel sick and used. Josh wasn't like that, and he knew it, yet Tyler was so insecure and hurt that almost anything was possible.

Life was hell, his boyfriend was cheating, dad abusing him, he was failing school, everyone knew he self harmed, and nothing was worth living anymore. It was a struggle to live like this, to go through so much pain even though there was no reason to go on.

He couldn't do it anymore.

Tyler was done.