바로 그 날 .. [ On That Day .. ]

낙담 [ Dejection ]

This was posted on my AFF, in case you see the same story. I am going to continue the story here instead. 

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How does it feel?

You bought a laptop and it had served you well for the past three years. On the fourth year, it acted up on you. You cannot seem boot up the laptop despite several times of attempting to do so. Because of that, you decided to pay a visit to the repairment shop opposite Han River. The computer technician dismentled some parts of the laptop and told you that it is beyond repair. You chose not to believe him and so, you go to another computer shop. The technician in the other shop says the same thing. Again, you choose not to believe him and go to yet another computer shop. You carried the laptop to fifteen shops before the laptop talks to you. You weren't someone who will easily give up henceforth, you pressed on and went around aimlessly looking for a shop that can repair that laptop of yours.

“ Eomma, ” my daughter—the intelligent, bravest, strongest, sweetest and prettiest girl in the world says, “ I'm tired. Let's go home. ”

It is her decision, not mine.

Her name was _______ , and I was her mother.

                                                                            ***********************

" What is it that you want to say? " Baekhyun muttered as he untied his tie infront of our huge human-sized mirror. He had always looked lethargic after work. I often wondered why sitting inside the office doing paperworks could be THAT draining. I sat down at the side of our bed and patted bed lightly, motioning him for a long conversation. He tossed his tie and made his way to where I was. " What? "

I was slightly taken aback by the tone of his voice but I quickly shuddered it off as I knew it will be pointless if i were to be slightly hurt as afterall, he is tired and this might not be the right time for me to tell him about the thing. The thing that I have been hiding from him for this past three months.

" Baek, " I called for him as if I was whispering. " I .. I'm pregnant. "

I smiled but he frowned. Why?

The clock stopped ticking. I guess we are both waiting for each other to come up with the next sentence. When I first told him that I am pregnant with _____, he had hugged me for 2 full minutes but now?

" You what? But,we had protection. WE HAD PROTECTION. " 

I was expecting 2 kind of feelings from Baekhyun : Anger or Happiness. I was prepared for happiness but who knew, it was anger instead? I was prepared to hear him say " It's okay! Let's work hard! " or maybe like " I'm gonna be a father of 2! " but no. I didn't hear any of those.

" You didn't eat the pills did you? "

I remained silent. Sometimes, we know of the answer but we prefer not to disclose it. This was one of such moments. I licked my dry lips and fiddled with my fingers.

" What were you thinking? JUST WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? "

Baekhyun smacked something. It was our bed lamp table. Or maybe it was me. After all, with the emotional pain of Baekhyun rejecting our baby, physical pain had become painless.

" Bae- "

" How many months? "

I lifted my head and faced him. " Three months. " I answered, avoiding every single posibble eye contact.

" Still first trimester? "

I was at the verge of haking my heads but I didn't know why I noded instead.

" Abort it. Abort it tomorrow. " Baekhyun said as he stood up.

He made his way to the door. Instead of hearing a slam, it was just a small click. I started sobbing uncontrollably. I continued to sob as if my tears could solve our impending problem.

" I'll find a way, " I whispered to myself.