Not Good Enough

uhm...

Don't you just sometimes feel so self conscious compared to all your skinny friends. They are all rich and you're over here poor as fuck. Like wtf life why me. Why am I the one who has to suffer like this. Why can't I be one of the rich and pretty ones? Why am I that one friend who they all just feel bad for because they know she is ugly. They know she is below them. That's me. No one really knows me. They think oh she is smiling she's fine. No. I'm not fine nor am I sad. Sad is when you drop your cookie (lol). I'm depressed. I'm fat.I'm ugly. I'm worthless. I'm boring. I'm clumsy. I'm anxious. I'm self conscious. I'm different. I'm poor. I'm suicidal. I'm me. And me isn't good enough. Most of my friends probably don't know that I'm suffering. They don't know my parents are divorced, my mom lives in apartments, my dad just had a fucking kid(with dat biiittccchhh), and that I feel like killing myself because I'm worthless. They don't know. No one knows. No one knows me. When people ask me what supper power would you have? I think invisibility? No, I'm already invisible to the world. It's hard you know. Waking up. I get up and change about a million times because everything I wear makes me look fat. Then I look at my hair and it's all cow licked so I just have to deal with it. I put on my fake little smiling mask and leave for school. I sometimes come and no one else that I know is there yet. So I go and cry in the bathroom. I usually never cry, but this year it's been getting harder and harder to not cry. I never cry in front of people it makes me feel weak and pitied. So pathetic. It's horrible. Having no true friends. I mean yeah I hang out with friends, but they don't even know most things about me. Oh whale. I'm just waiting for the day when I can just disappear.

Forever.
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Ok I dunno why I wrote that haha ok no one's gonna read it that's fine.