I met her when she was only five years old.
But it wasn't until a few weeks before her tenth birthday that she suddenly became drawn to me.
Back then, I only made an emotional effort if someone put in the work first. She did exactly that. I couldn't escape her at gatherings and she clung to me and hung on me whenever she could.
Now that I think about it, she might've broken down my emotional walls quicker than anyone I've ever met. She's been special to me for a long time now.
I've spent hours praying for her and even shed tears on her behalf....I've always hated to cry, but I don't regret a single drop.
Our personalities differ greatly, but we share a deep emotional connection rooted in pain and insecurity. Her father's been in and out of prison, too. She's also felt the pain of abandonment and the void that's left in place of a father figure.
I felt like the positive male role model that she was searching for was found in me. I don't know how well I did in that position, but I still don't think it's over.
I still remember the first time that she and her little sister spent the night at our apartment. Of course we had fun and all the normal stuff that happens when your little cousins spend all day at your house. We went swimming, played Just Dance on the Wii, ate junkfood, and watched a movie before bedtime. They wanted me to sleep in the living room and I also didn't want to leave them alone throughout the night. My wife agreed and I was protective of them like any man should be. The part that was unusual(and an indicator of the emotional void she was trying to fill) was that while her sister slept next to her on the floor, she laid close to the couch that I slept on. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it in a playful way. She'd squeeze twice and then I'd squeeze her hand back. We went back and forth like that for a while and then it stopped, but she never let go of my hand. About half an hour passed and I heard a light snore coming from her so I gently lowered her hand to the floor.
I'm writing this because I want to release the stress I'm feeling over her current situation and have something to look back on when I need a reminder of who she was and a vision of who she can become.
She was arrested a few days ago for the second time in less than a year. She turned sixteen about a month ago. Both arrests were for violence...a road that I started out on and that almost led me to a place that I never want to be.
She held my hand until she fell asleep because she trusted me and felt protected and connected with me even at such a young age. I want her to feel that way with Jesus. That's my prayer for her right now. If anyone reads this, I hope you'll do the same. Her name is Arianna and she still has a piece of my heart.
Thanks for reading. I'm keeping hope alive.
