sick // r. bortuzzo

Prologue

"What the hell?" I yelled at my favorite nurse Tricia. "The night before the hockey team comes over, I'm getting moved out of the children's ward."

"You said, and I quote, 'professional athletes are overpaid and cocky' so why do you care?"

"It's for a friend." I lied. Well, sort of. My friend did want snapchats of them, but I wanted to hit on the attractive guys. Being 19 in a children's hospital kind of has its perks. Granted, I'm sure the only reason they kept me around was the fact that the kids loved playing with me. After they got over the initial shock of the feeding tube and all black.

"Right. I guess we can keep you around for one more day. The children didn't really want to see you go either. But I thought you hated Christmas. We're just trying to get you home so that you can wallow in your room alone."

"Maybe I'll need this feeding tube again and have to come back." That comment earned me a dirty look.

"I better not be seeing you back here."

"But you love me and my dark sense of humor."

"That's a sign of Alzheimer's." She sang as she left my room.

"Well I'm fucked." Tricia yelled something about corrupting little kids and made the other nurses laugh.

I curled up in the overly large tie blanket my best friend made for me when I first came in here, six months and forty pounds ago. I gained more weight than I wanted and came back. This time I get a sweet heart monitor.

The chair that they had in my room for family members to crash on wasn't the best or most comfortable, but I was able to make it work for coloring. Being in bed all day was great until I realized it wasn't my nice comfy bed and it was probably not extremely sanitary.

"A dangerous plan, just this time. A stranger's hand clutched in mine. I'll take this chance, so call me blind. I've been waiting all my life." I softly sang as I finished the mandala I started at four this morning. It wasn't my normal music, but for some reason it was stuck in my head. "Please don't scar, this young heart. Just take my hand. I was made for loving you. Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through."

"You have a beautiful voice." I dropped my sharpie and looked over my shoulder at a tall man standing in my doorway.

He'd been here before when I was. He was an athlete. Hockey player, I think. He was usually in here with some blonde guy. I had a feeling they just got bored and came in to visit sick kids. And me.

"Yeah the kids love it too. Even with this lovely tube that makes me fat." Well, that's not what I was going to say but it worked I guess.

"I don't mean to step out of line, but you could definitely use a few more pounds. I'm sorry if that offends you." For the first time in a while, it didn't.

"I know you have a lot of kids to see, but you can come sit down if you want."

"I'll be back tomorrow with the team, so I can stay and chat for a little while." He gave me a lopsided grin that apparently didn't come without butterflies attached.

We talked about hockey and his life, I think he was trying to avoid the elephant in the room. Or I guess the emaciated girl in this case. I told him that being in the children's ward at my age wasn't horrible, that the kids always kept me entertained. They also made me cry when they didn't survive.

"Do your friends come to visit?"

"The ones that go to school here in Pittsburgh or in West Virginia. Sometimes the Ohio kids drop in on a long weekend. But I don't blame them for not coming. Spending a weekend at a fraternity formal or football game or come home to see your best friend actively killing herself? I'd probably pick the football game and Skype when I had the time."

"That doesn't bother you?"

"Robert, I know you think that me being in the hospital is like those little kids out there. Sure I have an XBOX at hand, my nurses and the staff are awesome, but people see this as a choice. Most of my friends think I'm doing this for fun. Maybe I am. But hell, having a feeding tube and a heart monitor and not being able to go to college really fucking sucks. I would give so much to be able to eat like a normal person and get drunk with friends on the weekends. I was accepted to Pitt and Boston U."

He looked at me like he cared about what I was saying. Like he was actually interested. Most of my friends didn't even want to hear me talk about my life anymore. Although, I really did like hearing their stories. Maybe eventually I would get to have one of those.

"I unfortunately have to go, but I'm glad I spent all my time with you. I'll see you tomorrow."

"My room will be empty, but I convinced the staff to let me stay until everyone came. Mainly because I wanted to see the kids."

"Or it's because you want to see my beautiful face."

"Okay Bortuzzo, it's time to go." I motioned him out of my room and he turned around to give one more lopsided grin.

Then, my best friend walked in with one of those, "tell me everything" looks.

"Dude, I got here like ten minutes after him and waited for him to leave. There's no way he wasn't into you, or else he wouldn't have stayed. But that's okay, your boyfriend is now mine." We laughed at the thought of little Jack having two girlfriends. He sure was the ladies man.

"He just, he seemed like he cared. Maybe he's been trained to do that for the team and he was so sweet. He listened better than most of our friends do. He told me about his life, where he's from. He just-" I hid my face in the blanket for a minute. I'm sure it was bright red but when I showed it once again.

Steph had a smile on her face, "You look genuinely happy for the first time in years. I'm really happy for you. But as happy as I am, we have some packing to do. And I brought you your Christmas present because you'll want it along with those new boots you have."

I opened the bag to see a brand new pea coat. It was probably warm as hell, which was going to be needed if I leave this warm place.

"Calla, will you come back to visit me?" My favorite little girl asked. It broke my heart to think I might not be able to come back and see her, but I would sure try.

"I might have to go away to get better, but I'll try Annie." We were in the playroom, messing around before I had to leave and the hockey players arrived. "I'll be right back, I just forgot my purse in my room."

I shoved my iPad, chargers, and phone into my bag and started back out to say my goodbye's to the kids.

"I thought this room would be empty when we came back." Robert leaned against the doorway, making my stomach dive. "I brought something for you."

"You should really give it to the kids, I don't need anything."

"You might not need anything, but uh, I don't think the little kids need my number either." I rolled my eyes and grabbed the jersey from his hands. "Maybe you'll call me and set something up because I'm not too keen on the whole dating with an eating disorder thing."

"I love tea, so that's a start." I kissed his cheek and went to see the faces on my little friends as they met some local heroes.

I didn't like this. Well, actually I did. I really liked it. But I was the sick 19-year old that couldn't stay out of the hospital and he was the attractive hockey player that would never give me a chance.