Damaged » h. styles au

Chapter 74 - Scarlett

There was no Harry there, no Tyler either, and my own stuff didn’t even look like mine. Probably because they weren’t.

That was the same furniture of when I moved in eight years ago; the same color on the wall, the same shelves, even though now they lacked of books, same old carpet, that sometimes alternated between two or three others, same TV (despite the fact that this was still broken since the last Tyler incident), same sofas and same everything. Nothing had switched places, nothing had been renewed. Nothing but the food, anyway.

And I was so sick of this. Sick of waking up every single day to the same depressing view and the same conclusion that I had to be someone else for someone else’s happiness. And I was so sick of walking into places where I’d see happy people and happy families and happy groups of friends when I was always so alone.

Tyler had been my only company since I ran away from home, and I could barely remember the last time I had actually gone out with a friend. A girl friend. Or any friend at all. A friend of mine, only, not a friend of Tyler’s. My brain started burning with so much thought, and so I gave up on trying to remember anything.

Slowly, I closed the door behind me, leaned against it and slid down, wrapping my arms around my knees and burying my face into the crook my arms created, sighing heavily and fighting to keep the negative thoughts away from my mind. But it was so hard, you know? Life was so unfair.

Meanwhile thousands of people had decent parents out there, meanwhile thousands of people had friends to help them through their hardest times, meanwhile thousands of people had healthy and normal relationships I had only a bunch of misadventures. I had parents who probably had forgotten I existed, had preferred to abhor my existence because I was not their dolled up daughter; had a brother who only bothered to call me once in a lifetime, and only if he needed to show someone he was better than me, more responsible than me, or if something terribly bad had happened to me. He didn’t even try, properly, that bastard.

I had one person in the club who didn’t harass me, and yet made one or another joke about my pathetic life here and there, as if she had the right to. I had one boyfriend who never really cared about looking into my eyes and telling me ‘thank you for everything you’ve done for me, thank you for helping me build everything up again’. Had a boyfriend who would only come home late to take me to bed and turn around as soon as he was done with his ‘business’, unless he was needing of a cuddle or someone to love him.

I had a nurse that was absolutely an angel, was my mom for all the matters, but had her own real daughter to take care of. Had her own life to worry about, didn’t have that much time for me. And I had her daughter, absolutely understanding, but too young to hear I complain about how life can f–ck you up in so many ways.

A loud sob escaped my lips before I could even stop it, and before I realized, there were furious tears falling down my face and moistening my jeans. And then, I didn’t even try to stop myself. I just buried my face deeper in my knees, hated myself for how pathetic I was being, for how pathetic that whole scene was, and cursed every single known God for throwing every single piece of trash they had into my life. I cursed every person who ever made me turn into what I am now, and that involved basically everyone I actually knew, really.

Everyone except Lana, and Angel, and…

Harry.

He was the only one who had cared enough to love me. Whether thinking of his damn ex-girlfriend or not, he treated me like Tyler never had. If he wanted me to be someone else, he hadn’t left it as clear as Tyler had. Harry had put his efforts into me and I was so f–cking stupid for even thinking he would ask me to be someone else.

And really, I just wanted to burn alive everyone who’d ruined my life, made me insecure the way I am. Wanted to burn them for making me instantly believe I would once again go through that same cycle, when, for once, surged an escape in my life that allowed me to change my paths.

I needed to get my sh–t together and get over my past. I needed to focus on now. Having either a brilliant or a trashy future, was not my problem. I needed to figure my now and right now I needed Harry. I had found him – or he’d found me, who really cares – and he’d turned my life into the most bearable it could be.

And I kind of.

I kind of… Yeah.

With wobbly fingers, I wiped the heavy tears and dried the moisture on my face with my sleeves, then reached for my back pocket and grabbed my mobile. I had no calls. No messages. No anything.

Yet, I searched for Harry’s number and found the courage to text him. If he didn’t want to talk to me now, at least he’d know that I knew I had made a mistake.

‘We need to talk’ I typed simply, pressing the ‘send’ button a second later, taking a deep breath and wiping the tears away again. Still, they insisted to fall, because I was an idiot, because I’d only made my life worse.

I’d had Harry. I needed Harry. I…

Harry. Harry. Harry.

I couldn’t lose him. I wouldn’t lose him.

●•Author's Note•●

dedication goes to: @summerlovin1123 don't worry, Tyler will come back when he's supposed to. And, well, thank you! I'm glad you saw my characters with more personality now because of the doubts and all the feelings. And, well, Harry is kind of sick of having to prove things, always. He's only human, and I give him such a hard task haha.

note: 1. DID YOU NOTICE WHAT I JUST DID THERE I REALLY HOPE YOU NOTICED BECAUSE I JUST MADE SCARLETT ADMIT SOMETHING AMAZING SILENTLY. READ THE LAST SCENE OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL YOU GET IT. 2. Do you see now why their sort of argument was needed? 3. You guys made it nearly impossible to choose one person only to dedicate this chapter to. Thank you SO SO MUCH for all those comments. You have no idea how much I was smiling.

next update: Tuesday (December 3rd)  

900 votes for early update. Best comment gets a dedication :) Love you lots, really. - Dani xx