Insecure-A Diary Entry

Dear Diary,

This today will be the last time I write to you. I wanted to say goodbye. The words of hatred repeat over and over like a broken record and I don't want to hear it anymore. A sad cloud always hovers over my head, pouring its rain onto me. But I am dry. Those girls throw me down and kick me, over and over again. Sometimes they throw down my confidence and kick it into self-hatred and insecurity. I wish to die tonight. 

But maybe I don't want to die. Maybe I just want to be saved. The razor I bring to my wrist has only hurt me, and I thought it was helping. But Diary, you cannot save me either. All you are filled with paper, some marked with the words written by a sad girl. Me. I don't know why I write to nobody, maybe in hopes somebody will read and know what I have gone through. Those words those girls scream at me, the pranks those boys play on me, the tough truth of be alone will finally be put out. But it is to late. I am already gone. I am alive writing these words and I am already dead. 

My happiness. 

My love.

My hope.

My confidence. 

Dead. 

I want to be loved, fixed, something. I don't want to take these pills. But I don't want to hate myself anymore. How else do I feel ok, without being dead? They make me want to die. 

You make fin of me for those scars on my wrist did it occur to you I did that because of you? I didn't think so. 

I am in love. He is not perfect, just perfect for me. I want to hug him and kiss him and love him, but he is one to tell me I am not worth the time. His friends torment my fragile mind. I am made of glass and they are the hammers. I am broken into a million pieces. Somebody help me. 

Here is my cry for help. I want to be sane again. I want to smile at the little things in life again, like flowers or the way a mother plays with her baby. But how can I do that when I am so down. I am hurting. I want help! Nobody sees it in me! I want to be better and happy again but everyone is so set on making sure i am not happy. I want to be confident, ready to show off my talents but all you do it put me down. I want to love. I want to love this boy but he doesn't stick up for me or defend me what it the point? I want to have hope that one day it will all get better, but I have none. 

Look at yourself in the mirror and say every bad thing you have done to another person. Do you feel good now? They might just be writing the same thing as me. 

Goodbye forever. 

A friend.