Chronicles of a Salty Summoner

One, two, three, four...

It was another day in the life of a desperate summoner stuck in ELO hell. My brother eventually convinced me to duo queue, but there was one little problem: I was, and still am, a main AD carry and support.

But why is this wrong?

This means that I am either trolled by a support who appears to be unaware of what a ward is or a ping for that matter so as to warn me of when the enemy jungler will one-shot me, or I am a support with an AD carry who has a god awful creep score and picks the poorest of the fights.

My brother locks in on Aurelion Sol, with whom he is very proficient with, and calls me. I spam "adc" on the chat since there's always that one Teemo who thinks he can go AD carry just because top was already taken. But I digress.

I choose to go Jhin, who I had not played for a while and now that he was meta in season 6.17, I thought I would personally see what the hype was all about. My support is a Thresh, something that made me both uneasy and glad for Thresh was on free rotation when this match occurred and I prayed to all of the gods that this was someone who had some form of experience with Thresh and wasn't just trying him out on the PVP for the first time.

After a medium delay, the game starts.

The enemy jungler did not require our help, not only because he was an independent jungler who need no team, but also because he chose to start on the upper jungle. We head out into combat immediately. I leveled up my Dancing Grenade instantly, knowing that would be my main farming tool.

I had spoken to my brother and tried to multitask while the match loaded, so I didn't know who I was up against until I see the two of them: Kog'Maw and Shaco.

Indeed, it was a Kog'Maw AD carry and Shaco support duo in the bottom lane. I had seen Shaco support work before, since it's poke is almost as annoying as Zyra's and him being an assassin can easily kill you before you had the chance to root him.

As usual, the four of us danced in the bottom lane, just trolling since the minions have yet to spawn and that's where the action starts, right?

No.

The Void creature got to close to the Virtuoso, who let a bullet hit him. And another. And another.

One, two, three... but what about the glorious four?

Kog'Maw had managed to escape and take advantage of my immobility, but I was not going to waste such a glorious opportunity. A flash and an auto attack was all it took for me to get first blood, level one. It wasn't until a few seconds later that the omnipresent voice said "Minions have spawned".

The Mouth of the Abyss was crafty, and had placed a ward on a bush right next to me. Clever, but not smart. He teleported unto the ward, Shaco unable to do anything for his poke was not effective unless we were already in the laning face. I hit level two and leveled up "Captive Audience", because of how fun it was. This was no exception, the Kog'Maw fell into the trap, and after being slowed, Thresh hooked him and I took the advantage to waste my magazine into this Kog'Maw.

One, two, three... four.

And then, a global message appeared:

"An enemy has been slain."

My brother, the mid lane dragon, types on the global chat: "What is going on?".

Crits, darling, crits. That is all.

Early game was easy, with Kog'Maw being more bullied than Harry Potter was by Malfoy. My boy Thresh landed his hooks beautifully, and as always I delivered a critical performance. My full-crit build was halfway done by minute fourteen, we got the first tower blood and first blood. The bottom lane was a masterpiece of a show, almost flawless with the synergy the Thresh hook and Jhin crit combo offered.

It was not until the global chat started to be filled with insults in all-capital letters that I realized the top lane was doing... awful. Our Garen was feeding a Riven.

I had never seen so much anger in a Demacian, and yet there he was typing how he could one-versus-one the Riven. But all those claims proved false when faced against the fed Exile. Riven was a monster, and as a squishy AD carry I narrowly avoided a shut down when exposed her. Team fights occured, and the Noxian traitor got multiple kills. In the blink of an eye, the screen turned grey and an "Ace" appeared on my screen.

Perhaps it was a smurf account, I will never know, but the fact was that the Riven carried her team on towards our base. But we were not the "surrender at 20 gg boyz" type. We were going to defend this base until our last breath, we were not going to give up. The show must go on, after all.

The timer ended, and adrenaline rushed in to my head for I had to shut down this Riven. I raised the Curtain Call and destroyed the Kog'Maw and Shaco, achieving a double kill. I went onwards to the triple and killed the enemy mid laner. But it was not enough. I nearly got a fourth kill, were it not for a Garen who stole it. But that didn't matter.

One, two, three... four.

"Quadra kill."

It took me and my brother a while to process the fact that I almost got a pentakill, were it not for the Garen. But five is a flawed number, if you truly main Jhin, one must always count to four. The shutdown money allowed me to almost complete the build with only a Guardian Angel still in the process.

One, two, three, four...

Time passed, we sieged, but the hunger of the enemy proved overwhelming. Garen was constantly throwing himself into the enemy team, and could only tank for a limited time. Our jungler was a Tryndamere who seemed to prefer poke with the Statik Shiv rather than using his Immortal Fury and help the Garen. Our Thresh did the best he could, but with the jungler and top laner in a hell pit composed of a fed Riven and her entire team protecting her, it was very a very difficult.

It was an awful stage for both me and my brother, for the Targonian rebel had a mana limit on his "boop", and as the AD carry on a rampage I would often be a target for the enemy team to shut down.

We lost the game, but I had never felt such a bittersweet euphoria at getting a quadra kill with Jhin, who has four bullets, whose name has four letters, who is also four years older than Zed, and simply loves the number four.

And that, ladies, gentlemen and others concludes the story of a full-crit Jhin bullying spree.