And then I woke up. I was hot and cold at the same time. I tried to move the bed sheets, but my arm wouldn't move. I remembered that my eyes could help, so I opened them. The light stung my eyes, and instinctively my hand shot up to cover them. I didn't know how I did it. But as my fingers pulled the crust out of my eyes I realized I couldn't remember anything. I woke up. That's all I could remember.
I couldn't even remember how to move my arm, so my hand just sat on my face. I could hear beeps and chirps and wheezes and clicks. I didn't know what any of it meant. Was I supposed to know? My hand slowly fell from my face on its own, and I was left looking up at a white ceiling, with one of those flickering blue florescent lights. I knew what they were. I knew it was called a ceiling. I knew it was called light. My hand was a hand. I was me. I knew all of these things. That was good. The problem was I didn't know who I was. That was bad. I wanted to get up. I wanted to get out of that bed. But instead I must have dozed off.
And then I woke up. A woman was standing over me. A nurse or my wife or my mother or a doctor or a friend, I only knew that it was a woman. I tried to smile at her, but my face felt to tight. She smiled at me. I tried to speak but only a noise came out. Her look changed to shock. "Gavin? Can you hear me Gavin? Are you there?"
Was I Gavin? I must be. She knows me. I don't know her, but she knows me. I tried to answer her, but only more noises came out. She seemed nice. I was glad someone nice was with me, whoever she was. I struggled, my throat feeling dry and useless, but finally got the word yes out.
The woman stood up and ran out of sight. I turned my head as much as I could, far enough to see the woman at the door. She was yelling for a Doctor. Doctor Thomason. She kept saying the name over and over. I knew what a doctor was. I knew I was in a hospital. Words and things were coming to me. But my life was not. Why am I in a hospital, and who am I?
And then there were two women standing over me. Looking at me. Talking about me. They talked fast, and I was tired. I couldn't make out what they were saying. "Yes" I said again, and the woman in white looked shocked. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. Not so much it hurt, just enough to let me know she was there. I tried to squeeze back. At first I didn't know if it worked. I tried again, and this time her face lit up. "Yes" I said again, and this time my voice felt like some of the rust had worn off. I felt drained afterward, and drifted back to sleep. I could hear the women's voices as I drifted away.
And then I woke up. Alone this time, or so I thought. Once I turned my head a little I could see the woman was sitting in a chair nest to my bed. Again she was saying "Gavin? Can you hear me?" She grabbed my hand and squeezed, much harder than the woman in white had.
"Yes." I squeezed back. She kissed my cheek and began crying. I still couldn't remember anything about myself, or this woman. She released my hand, but I was able to grab back on to her before she moved away. "Am I Gavin?"
"Yes honey, you're Gavin. I am you're Mom. You were in an accident. You were hurt bad, but now that you're awake everything is going to be alright." Well that explained everything for me. I was Gavin. But who is Gavin? How old am I? Am I Smart, am I nice, who am I? There was so much I wanted to ask her, but speaking took too much out of me. I wanted to just lay back and listen to her talk. My Mother. I started to drift off, but then a man came in.
He started grabbing my arms and legs, and moving them for me. He was talking the whole time. "Ok there big guy, now we're going to work the left leg." He grabbed my foot, and pushed up so my knee came up to my chest. Then he would work the other leg. "We'll get you up and moving on your own soon enough." This was all good news. At first I was thinking that I might be paralyzed, but without me even asking the man explained. "You haven't used these muscles in a long time Gavin. But don't worry, you'll be back to normal in no time." Those words would have been comforting, if I could only remember what normal was. After he left I fell back asleep.
And then I woke up. There was the woman in white again. She was talking to two men, pointing at a clipboard as she spoke. "Doctor Thomason?"
She looked at me startled. "Yes, how do you know my name?"
"My mom. She called you Dr. Thomason when I first woke up." Words were coming much easier now. I looked for Mom, but she wasn't there. "Where's Mom?"
"She's home sleeping. She'll be back in the morning. How do you feel Gavin?"
"I don't know? I can't remember anything from before."
"Before when Gavin?"
"Before I woke up. Will I remember?"
"I don't know Gavin, but your mom is going to bring pictures tomorrow. Hopefully they will help bring back memories."
"I hope." And then I fell back to sleep.
