You, this goes out to you.
I dreamt about you a few nights ago, you know. I do that a lot. Makes me wonder, did you ever?
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Pain, that's what was there. On the walls, floor, in that cup of vodka I kept squeezing in my hand as I looked at them. I knew them all, but who really knew me? Too dark and ruined, no one saw that side, ever. Their faces, so well known I wanted to escape, even though they were the escape I was looking for my whole life. It appears you can never truly ecape from yourself. Even when you think you did, it comes back crashing at you, just like you did.
But you weren't there.
My eyes searched for you, my soul screaming for yours, dark green ones, but they weren't there. She came to me, you know, asked me something, I didn't listen, like I cared about what she has to say. She took you from me, teared you from my soul and left the wound I never thought it will be there. I never responded, she started insulting. No one noticed, too buisy with themselves in the big somewhat too silent room for a party. Food and cheap drinks around them, way too common for us, but the silence was unbearable.
She kept talking you know, getting angry at me for some reason. The reason was unreachable to me until I saw them, your eyes, in the darkest corner of the room. I would never miss them. They were focused on me, like always.
I ignored her, but she didn't wanted to let go, as somewhat unreal anger kept coming out of her mouth. That mouth I wanted to rip apart so it bleeds, so it hurts, just like my soul. I saw a picture of her transformed face, digging my nails in that skin and ripping it apart seemed to be the only thing that kept the slightliest focus on her. She placed her hand on my shoulder and dig her nails into it, but as soon as she did it, you appeared right next to me.
She didn't notice.
„Come to me." You said, raising your hand and showing me to come over to you.
„What the hell do you want?" I said, way too angry at you and her at the same time.
„Please." You said, „I need you." Looking at me with the straight face.
Tempting, that's what you are. Would I do it again? I asked myself. Yes, for you everything, always.
„Fuck off." I said to her, removing her arm from me, as she made a noise and insulted some more. Who cares about that bitch anyway.
I walked slowly to you, trying to read your emotions but the face you had, like a mask, it never changed. When I was close, my soul seemed to be woken up, beating inside me, but still in the corner somewhere, with a drop of a blood in her eye, wondering. Is it worth it to open a wound that never healed a little more. For you, I would give up what's left of my soul if I had to. Even though you're wrong for me. So wrong it's right. So wrong, I would give it out without question if you asked me to.
„I need to talk to you." You said when I came close enough to smell your scent. The one I found in a store and sprayed all over my clothes and a little paper, and kept it in my phone, just so I could recall how good it was to be close to you, feeling your whole body and your hands around me.
„What do you want?" I asked, bitchiness being my only shield against you while deep inside, my soul made a loud scream. You seemed like you noticed it, was it really that loud? A small smirk appeared on your soft lips.
„Come with me." You said, taking my hand in yours. The shield dropped with a loud noise as our eyes locked.
„I don't want to." My brain said, seconds later, soul slapped him, 'shut the hell up' she said, tears still in her wide open eyes, and he did, just like that. Fuck you soul, you're going to pay for this, whether you want it or not.
