. : Random Thoughts : .

Random thought #5

Okay...I don't know if this is just me...but when I'm not having my best day, and I just want everything gone and done with, I REALLY don't appreciate it when someone thinks it FUNNY to mess with my feelings.  Or tell me that I'm not good enough.  Or try to make their life somehow sound worse then what I am going through.  I will LOVE the day when I can just get on the bus and GO HOME.  When the boys in my grade mature and know that girls aren't games so to stop playing with them.  When my coach will stop saying, 

"Nicole! Stop messing everything up!  I have yet to see your 'talent' or a good play today!  It makes me sick how awful your effort is!  Nicooooole any day now would be nice!"

WTF?!!?!??!?!?!?!??! 

I am honestly trying so hard to get through things like this...DAILY.  And yet I am always coming back to the thought of kissing my scissors, or making new marks where nobody can see them. 

But in all honesty, I think the devil puts these people in my life.  I could get mad at God for letting him.  But on the other hand, God wants me to power through it and get tougher skin.  Because he knows that I can. 

I think that even though everything is pretty crappy right now, doesn't mean it won't get better in the long run.  I myself really have to remember that...