Regretful Love

Chapter 1- a New Beginning

Darting left and right, sprinting through the woods at maximum speed, she saw the light in the distance, her last hope. With lungs about to burst, she pushed herself to take another stride. She knew if she stopped she was as good as dead, but that wasn't what kept her moving. Even the aching pain in her leg wasn't enough to keep her from stopping; none the less she turned her head and locked her sapphire eyes one last time on the menacing creatures behind her as she leaped towards the light... knowing all too well, as I did, that she wouldn't make it. She would be caught and I couldn't do anything about it, like always...

Snapping awake for the fifth time tonight I scanned my surroundings as cold air assaulted my cheeks. But noticing that I was alone in my room, or attic for short, I gave up on the search dismissing the feeling as paranoia. After wiping the sweat off my forehead, I shifted in bed which, for better or worse, was my sleeping bag from my eighth birthday.

Glancing out my cracked window I swore under my breath, crawling out of bed to sprint over to get a better look. I know it was almost dawn before I fell back asleep but I didn't think that I would sleep this long! It's almost past the time limit to cook breakfast for Dennis. I climbed down the steps quietly, finding my way to the kitchen in a hurry. I have to make him something quick before he wakes up. Cooking breakfast in break-neck speed, I lined up breakfast on the table for him, which turned out pretty good; scrambled eggs, bacon, Taylor ham and toast.

Running quietly back up to my room I changed into the usual for school, throwing on my favorite black sweat shirt and pants. I have to hurry! If I don't leave now he might wake up! As the thought left my mind I heard a grotesque belch... too late. I swore under my breath, tugging on my book bag and walked as casually as I could down the steps, erasing any signs of emotion from my face. At least I can go to school today, I won't be home too long...

Arriving back on the first floor I walked towards the couch, knowing he was there only by his drunken stench. Knowing it wasn't wise to ignore his presence, I said, "Good morning father, would you like some tea? What about breakfast?"

He plopped his head off the couch, hair messy, eyes dilated and of course red, but what do you expect from a father who only drinks and pops pills? "Who says I can't make my own food?! You thin-... yo-..." He paused, burping in my face and then continued stuttering "I- I- I can cook my own food you little fuck."

Despite the horrible stench, I kept my face expressionless and replied, "Yes father I know, I just thought that you would enjoy some food, you haven't eaten since yesterday morning." I said calmly, knowing I shouldn't tell him that he told me to or it might get worse.

He paused, staring up into my eyes and something seemed to click, some type of recognition going off in that small brain of his. "Where are your contacts?." He said ominously calm, and I felt my fear bubble to the surface.

I stuttered, looking for the right words to answer with "Um, I have them in... my room! I just haven't gone back upstairs to grab them yet." I stared to the side, not being able to maintain eye contact as he rose off the couch, my fear exploding to all new heights. I should run and get out of here but where would I even go? Its better just to take it...

"Why aren't they on?" He asked dangerously calm, trying to hide the malice in his voice. I thought desperately for an excuse but came up with none that he would find suitable and so without an escape or excuse I did all I could.

"Father I thought that I wouldn't need them today, I was thinking I could start new at school... I know it's still only the first quarter but it's the second month in and I was thinking that if I'm just myself I can make some more friends." I said quietly knowing what was to come and knowing that if I said I had a friend he might not "punish" me so roughly.

"Now boy, what have I told you about breaking the rules? How many times have I told you what happens when you break the rules?!" He said starting to raise his voice, the calm look in his eyes turning crazed.

"Father I th-" Was all I managed to blurt out before his fury erupted... He punched me in the face sending me spiraling to the floor, my cheek swelling up like a water balloon. I laid on the ground in fear, as my consciousness drifted off into the farthest crevice of my mind, the only place that could comfort me. It's always been like this, since I was old enough to remember; him taking out his anger and sorrow out on me... Me; the boy who only reminds him of his regrets and mistakes... I can't really say I blame him either and that's the part that really hurts me. I can take all the physical pain in the world if it means I could bring back the only woman he had loved, my mother and the only person to ever recognize me as an equal.

I felt another exploding pain erupt in my stomach, noticing he finally came to his senses to hit the places where no one else could see... I waited until he was finished, lying as lifeless as a doll, just like the poor existence of my life. Why is it that I get stuck with all of this? Why is it that my mother was the one who had to go? I just wish I could turn back the clock of time... It's really quite ironic how good people have it and don't realize it until it's gone...

Tiring himself out he sat back away from me, picking up a half empty beer bottle from the ground and chugged it. Acting as if nothing happened, he walked past me to the kitchen to eat and begin his day. I picked myself off the ground, limping back up to my room trying my best to ignore the pain exploding all over my stomach. Grabbing the green colored contacts my father bought for me, I shakily put them on, covering my "demonic" eyes...

Limping back down the stairs, I showed no emotions like always, trying to ignore the blaring pain in my stomach and face. "Father, I'm going to school is that alright?" I asked quietly, managing, barely, to contain the fear in my voice.

He grunted, in the middle of eating which of course was the best I ever got for a yes... Walking towards the door I felt small and insignificant. I know I have no one to talk to at school but it's better than being here right? Now only four more years to go... four more years packed with grief.