No one could ever picture there own death. One can romanticise their death, but they will never embrace the backlash and trauma that ones death can cause. I always imagined that my death would be beautiful. That the pills that I would would overdose from, which would be paracetamol, would give me a porcelain look. That I will be wearing my 'death' dress, which was a black and white dress that will suit the occasion.
My name is Audrey. I am nineteen years old and I want to die. I don't like living, I don't like people, and I hate that I have to write this as a form of therapy. I never asked for any of this, I just want to get to the gates of hell or the pearly gates of heaven. Fuck, I would even be happy with purgatory. Just as long as I didn't have to stay one more day on this earth. I never used to be like this, yes I was withdrawn as a child. I never wanted to play dollies with the other girls or play with the toy trucks with the boys. I just wanted to stay in my room and listen to music all day. At least with music I was able to escape the world. I didn't want what my parents wanted for me. I did not see myself to lived past sixteen. Now I am nineteen, highly suicidal, and a deadbeat.
So you know my name, I guess I should tell a bit about myself, since I opened up about how little my will to live is.
I was bought up in Sydney, Australia. Not the nice part, where the harbour bridge is in sight. But the rougher part, Western Sydney. To think about it now, it really isn't that rough of a place to grow up in. But if you were to google "Western Sydney" you wouldn't have great headlines to look at. You see the media only show you want they want you to see. For example; a store robbery, you would see a news article on that rather than a group of primary school students going overseas for charity work. I like to think that the media works in marvellous ways.
I went to a school in a suburb called Wetherill Park, it is a nice place to live in. It was local to a lot of things. Such as a bowling centre, movies, drive inn movie centre, and transport. What am I kidding. I hate that place too.
Bye for now. Not forever.
