Anywhere But Here

Prologue

When I was in Year 8 I used to think that by the time I reached Year 12 I would have everything sorted out. I thought I would know what job I wanted, what university I would attend, where I would live, but now I realise that was not true at all. I also thought that I would be a responsible student with a strict study schedule focusing all my time on school. So it's safe to say that Year 8 me was ignorant to how life worked. She thought that things would just land in her lap and didn't realise that you had to work for what you wanted. That I wouldn't just wake up one day and be amazing at studying. So I guess that's what landed me in this position now.

I've always been idealistic about my future. In Year 9 I was determined to be a graphic designer and would attend RMIT University in Melbourne. This dream lasted me until the end of year 10 where I began to question the practicality of my dreams, the likelihood of being employed and whether or not 4 years of my life would be wasted with no job at the end. You're probably wondering why a 15 year old was being so pessimistic about her dreams. My mother is big on practicality, believing that anything related to art isn't worth trying to make a career out of. In someways, I believe her.

Glancing at the succulent on my desk I think about how university life would be like. I feel like 'dream' is more appropriate in this case, as I know nothing about university or even living independently. I've always relied on my parents for everything. I've never been employed or even attempted to get a job. I've never had to worry about paying bills or buying groceries. I guess you could say I've lived an extremely sheltered life. I lived on an isolated farm for most of my life, but you couldn't really call it a farm. We grew no produce or even had any livestock. Being so isolated I never had the chance to get a job or even go to social events with friends. The nearest town was 30 minutes away and was also where I attended my first High School. I sometimes blame the fact that I'm so socially awkward on the fact that the only time I got to socialise with my friends was at school but I feel like this is a lie. I think I'm just naturally a shy awkward person. At this school, I made friends and did the work given out but never really put effort into it. Even know I still struggle to put effort into work. This has lead to me being an average student who tends to alway forget to do the homework.

The computer screen glares at me in the darkness of my room, I can't help but smile at the video playing. Thoughts of the SAC that is due tomorrow plague my mind but I push them away thinking that I'll just do in the morning. I know this isn't true, I only have an hour to spare in the morning between getting ready and going to school and that nearly isn't enough to prepare the oral speech that I've had a month to write. It's only worth 10% of my mark, why even bother. I think I am easily one of the laziest people on the planet, especially comes to work. I used to be one of those people who did the assignment the night before it was due which has progressively worsened. I know write essays and assignments on the day they're due. I honestly have no idea how I am not failing.

Glancing at the clock in the corner of the screen I see its 11:58pm. I don't feel tired at all but I still shut off the computer and climb into bed. Laying there for several minutes, my mind racing through the assignments that are due and realise that the chance of me sleeping is quite minimal. This is where I should probably attempt to do some work but suddenly I remember this great book I was reading. So instead of glancing over a textbook I pull out my tablet, continuing on from where I left off this morning. Before I know it it's 4am and know that I am absolutely fucked for my SAC tomorrow.

This is the mess that is my life.