Without A Song

Chapter TwentyThree: The Promise

She paused, took a deep breath, and then continued. "In six years I plan to move on again, it could be sooner, it could be absolutely anywhere. You know what the burden is we share, us and thousands more. That nomadic feel that makes it difficult to stay in one place for too long, I still feel the need to explore. It's still a big new world and I want to show it off to Tristan. He'll be finished with school by then and ready to move on. Could be university, could be Royal Air Force. Who knows? Would you let me share that time with you? Will you think about it at least? That gives you six years to settle or come to me. It's not an ultimatum Stephen but a promise. Can you try for me? Would you wait all of that time for me?"

This was a big step up from the Terri I knew, from the pure friendship I thought would last a lifetime. The perfect warm rain enslaved us in its fall, I held her in my arms while she stroked the water down my neck. I waited for her to say something more, waited as she buried her head under my chin, her breathing quiet and soft. I ran my hands through her hair and down her back until her breathing slowed, then I spoke.

"I don't have to ask if you know what you're asking, you wouldn't ask if there was ever a chance of me saying no. So the answer is yes, for now. I need you in my life Terri, I always have done but we have to consider Nicole and Brad. I know that there's a chance that if we make a rash or hurried decision now, we will regret it later. We both understand that there's every reason why neither of us will be here in the future."

Terri slowly nodded, "Remember what I said on Tuesday? Finish your business here Stephen and return to her. I know Nicole may outlive us all, you've got someone very special there and I'll not take you away from her. I can wait. As you know Brad is many years older than me but he may outlive me too or none of us will ever want to break away. I have a very intense and powerful love for you Stephen but it isn't a childhood crush, not a fantasy to be lost when the pages of the book are closed. Seize the day Stephen, or lose it."

Terri was unconsciously jabbing me with an index finger, every bit of pressure empathised each individual syllable, and making sure I gave her my fullest attention. It worked. I pulled her tight and held her to me. This feeling was something special, something to hold on to and to cherish. Like prize fruit this moment had to be picked and stored. It was like a gem of the most intense brilliance, making it much more precious than the jewel itself. Terri was offering me the future.

Six more years of fun and laughter, six years to make my fortune, six years to look forward, six full of years of Nicole. I really hoped that there would be six years and more with Nicole and I truly wished that it would be the two of us who came back to Terri, Brad and Tristan, wherever that would be. I cupped the face of my precious friend between my thumb and forefinger and raised her eyes to mine, those baby blue moonshine eyes of the fairy godmother shone back at me but this time they were moist.

The shower's flow of H2O continued to rain over our clothed bodies.

"When I first met you Terri, you were like a soft wisp of down, rising and falling on the wind on but I got to know that steel core inside of you. It's been a long time since you played your fairy godmother to my dame. Over time that steel core of yours has softened. I've loved and lost you many times, always from a distance. You've always been my friend, whenever I needed you most you have always tried to be there but in six years' time I'll ask you again, to find out if what you say today has changed. I always feel peace in my heart when I think of you, always have done ever since we did that MedEvac flight over the Andes to Santiago, swaying around in that big old Herc and swapping oxygen masks. Now there's another woman in my life who's as precious to me as you are. If you want me then Nicole will be part of the package."

There was a bulge in my throat, my heart torn and tested between Nicole and Terri.

"I make this promise to you Terri, that at two-thirty in the afternoon of April the 22nd, 2005 I'll meet you on the London bound platform on Dernewell railway station but I can't promise to be free for you."

"I promise to be there too Stephen, with Brad, and Tristan. There is no one else as precious in my life as you all but from then on there will be all the time we need, enough for all of us," she said.

We entwined more than I ever felt possible until I made the first move to get out of the shower. For our first time ever we kissed long and passionately, then we held each other a moment longer and parted. There was nothing else to say as we changed, watching each other as we did, and saying goodbye to the apartment. We left in opposite directions. I drove towards Heathrow, looking forward to the long stretches of the A12, great curves and charging hills before getting to grips with the turmoil of the M25 around London. The route from Dernewell to Heathrow was two and a half hours long. One hundred and fifty minutes to go back over all that had happened in the last week, and all that I was leaving behind in Suffolk. As I walked away from the Miata I gave it a gentle tap and a silent thank you. A smart car this and it hadn't let me down. Surrendering the car's keys to the receptionist in the Hertz office, I signed papers and handed back the mobile phone too. The rental company checked my hold luggage through to Akhbar and put me on a bus to Terminal Four.