(1) Katnis Swan: Lost

Chapter 17: Confessions

"I don't believe I will be able to fit your clothes, Katnis."

"It's a large, black cotton men's sweater my mother gave me for my birthday." she turns to unlock the front door,"You'll be able to fit it. Are you ready?"

"No."

Taking a deep breath, Katnis pushed open the door and turned to look at Edward. He was stiff and not breathing,"Will you be able to speak and not breath? Usually when one talks one has to let the air out of their lungs before taking in another breath to continue speaking." she states,"Will you be alright?"

He nods.

She smiles at him before taking his hand and leading him into the house, him closing g the door behind him, and into the living room.

"Dad?"

Charlie tares his gaze from the television and towards Edward and Katnis,"Katnis, you're home. And you've brought...company."

"Cullen and I were going to get ahead on some homework. Is that alright?"

Charlie looks at Edward,"Homework?"

"Yes, dad, homework." Katnis says.

"Alright, fine. Just...don't close that door all the way."

Katnis shakes her head and moves to kiss his forehead,"Alright. Thanks dad." she says as she walks over the Edward, grabs his hand and leads him towards the stairs.

"Your father is wondering if we're together and just keeping it from him." Edward says.

"Of course he is." she chuckles,"My father doesn't think Isabella and I should ever date."

"You're both beautiful." Edward states,"I can see why he never wants you to date."

Katnis looks back at him,"What about you? Do you think Bella and I should ever date?"

He holds her gaze,"Bella, yes, she's mature enough."

"And myself?"

"I don't ever want you to." he says as she enters her room.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't ever want to think of you being with anyone else."

She turns around to face him. He's standing in the door way of her room, staring at her,"Anyone else but you."

They stare at each other for what seemed like hours. Neither knew what to say after that. Katnis and Edward knew that she knew how he felt about her but neither expected her to speak on it.

Edward decided to break the silence,"I would be telling a lie if I were to say that I didn't want you for myself." he says softly,"But I want you to be happy and if that means you'll be with someone else then I will accept that."

Katnis moves toward him until she is standing directly in front of him,"You mean that." she says as if she was finding it hard to believe.

He nods,"Yes. I love you." he confessed.

Katnis eyes are wide as his words hit her like a ton of bricks,"You - you love me?"

He nods," Yes, I do."

"I love you,too, Cullen."

He nods,"Just not the way that I love you." he points out.

"Cullen -"

"Katnis, it's okay. I don't expect you to feel for me what I feel for you." he states.

"You don't?"

"No. I don't."

"Why?"

"It's hard to explain but I do love you. I love you enough let go." he says," As hard as it would be I would walk away."

"Who said anything about walking away?" she says in a panic.

Her feelings for him may not be as string as his are for her but that didn't mean she wanted him to leave. She'd finally started to open up to him, to her family, about some things and that was all because of him. She couldn't lose him...not now.

"Katnis, do you honestly think I could stay and watch you be with someone else?"

She knew he was right. As much as she wanted him - needed him - to stay she knew she couldn't ask him to.How could she when seeing her with someone else will only cause him nothing but pain?

She shakes her head,"No." she says softly, looking down,"but I'm selfish enough that I'd ask you to stay." she meets his gaze once more.

He chuckles darkly,"I'm being selfish wanting you in my life when I know that every second you're with me, your life is in danger."

He looks at the floor.

"Hey, look at me." she steps closer to him once he lifts his gaze from the floor,"You warned me before about how dangerous your life, your world, could be if I were to be in it. I made the conscious decision to stay and not walk away."

He shakes his head,"I should have tried harder."

"Harder?"

"I'm dangerous for you Katnis and I chose to ignore that." he growled,"And now that I've admitted the way I feel, it makes this all to real, it makes this much harder to walk away from."

She swallowed the lump in her throat and took a step back,"You want to walk away from me?" her voice cracked as she felt her face heat up with mixed and intense emotions.

Edward finally takes a step into her room, moving so that he was hovering above her, gazing down into her tear stained eyes,"No, of course not. That is the last thing that I want but I believe that the day may come."

She shakes her head,"No! No. Why would you - " she takes steps away from him,"Why? Why are you saying these things to me?"

"Katnis, I don't want to hurt you." he says.

"Then why?"

"When that day comes, when you've found that guy who makes you as happy as you make me," he takes her face in his hands,"I need to know that I'll have the strength to walk away, to let you live a long and happy life with him and start a family of your own."

She shakes her head as more tears fall,"Cullen -"

"It would be selfish of me to stay and want you like I do. If I stayed I would only cause you pain and I don't want that." he drops his hands to his side.

She wipes at her tears before taking a step forward and taking his face in her own hands,"I'm not scared of what could happen, Cullen, if you and I continued this, what we have, together." her eyes frantically searching his for understanding,"I know the dangers and risks of being with you, in your world with you, and I trust you. With my life. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you."

She drops her hands and wraps her arms around his middle, pressing herself into him, her body molding in to his,"Katnis -"

"We're in this together. Through thick and thin. Forever."

Edward, knowing she meant every word shed said, wrapped his arms around her, kissed her hair before resting his chin on top of her head,"I love you." he whispers.

She tightened her hold around him,"I love you, too."