Fall Like Rain

Chapter 1

Cameron sat at his desk, looking up at the sky through the adjacent window. The sun was just beginning to set, the days blue turned to warm pinks and oranges, accenting the bare autumn trees. He was aware that just one floor below him were his parents, his sister, and their dog, Fox. Although, they were unaware of him. They were unaware of just how much of the young boys life was a secret. They were blinded by hopes of an easy life, a perfect family, and most of all, a pageant queen. They were completely ignorant to their child's newly discovered secret life. Only Cameron and his best friend Jonah knew about their other world, where everything was just how they wanted it, where there is no adjustments needed.

The phone began to ring and automatically Cameron was excited for his weekly phone call with Jonah. He answered the phone and said, "Hey man, what's up?"

"Nothing much, just spent three days with my family and you know how crazy they are." Jonah replied.

"Oh yeah, believe me, I know. My mom still wants me to do this stupid pageant. I keep telling her I'm not that type of person but she thinks that because I loved it as a kid that I'm gonna be balls deep in it now. She's just trying to push things I love, and I can't really blame her for wanted a perfect daughter. But, at the same time, why doesn't she just force Monnie to do it. She's the same age I was when I started and she's all about the princesses and shit."

"Maybe she sees this as an 'us thing' with you, ya know like how my dad and me have soccer."

"Yeah maybe, but it's just so annoying."

"I totally get it. On the other hand, school starts tomorrow! We're finally gonna be seniors and that is a big deal. We're finally at the top of the food chain. Nobody can mess with us now."

"Yeah, nobody except Zach. He's gonna lose his shit when he sees you and probably mess you up real bad."

"That's okay. Have you made any major changes yet? I can tell you haven't told your parents."

"No, I don't plan on it any time soon either. It's just gonna start more drama than it's worth. I'll wait till I leave the state. Ya know?"

"My parents were pretty okay with it, they're just worried about my safety and it's not as bad as you though. Man, you have a lot of shit comin for you."

"Cami! Go to bed soon! You have school tomorrow!" Mrs. Dunn called from the first floor.

"Okay, mom! I will in a few." Cameron replied to her. "Anyway," he said, resuming his conversation, "it's not that bad."

"Not that bad? She still calls you Cami. She still calls you 'she.' It is that bad."

"Whatever. I have to go before she freaks out. Night, I'll see you at lunch." He hung up the phone and undressed down to underwear to put on pajamas.

Cameron said his goodnights to his family and then returned to his room upstairs before getting into his bed. After he was comfortable, his mind drifted away. He began to think of how his life would be if he just embraced his mother's femininity. If he, or she, just stayed as what he is. How much different his whole life could play out if he just accepted that he was born wrong and dealt with it. Then, he began to think about all the possibilities he has living as his true self. How great it would be to finally love himself and his own body. He began to think about his body. How much he hates what he was given, and how the thought of even placing a dress on his rather unmasculine body made him cringe. Eventually, his thoughts drifted away from the heartache associated with his body and he fell asleep.

____________________________

Cameron woke up early the next morning. Being nervous about the upcoming school day has kept him awake for most of the night. The nagging voice in the back of his mind kept telling him that it was all going to fall apart. The calm little world he has created in his bedroom for the past season is only going to come crashing down upon entry to his high school. These thoughts have been there for quite some time, but not until the start of school has he had to face his worries.

As the son rose, Cameron began to emerge from his bed and into the shower. The warm water running over his cool skin was normally relaxing. It would almost always calm him. But, today was much different. Today was the first step to being publically thrown into the world as who he has always  been.

After the shower, he walked to the dresser and got out a pain of straight leg blue jeans and a red and black plaid button up shirt, accompanied by solid black vans. He pulled his long blonde hair back into a beanie, and checked for any strays. It was as masculine as he could pull out of his mostly feminine wardrobe, and unchanged hairstyle. Cameron sent a quick text to his friend Jonah asking when they needed to leave. After about twenty minutes, Jonah arrived at Cameron's house and they drove to the school. The car ride was silent, only on Cameron's end. Jonah was exited to be back at school, back with friends. His feelings were very different from Cameron's. Filled with dread and anxiety, Cameron loathed the return of school and the possibility of negativity that awaited him. Although the alterations to Cameron's form were just done by clothing and a lack of shaving, it was still enough to make anyone see a change to his former look.

"Jonah, I can't do this," he said. Cameron reached into his bag and pulled out a smaller bag containing much more feminizing clothing. This was an emergency escape from the anxiety that he was feeling. Jonah took the bag from Cameron and examined the yellow sun dress and white, rose sandals. A look of shock and disbelief crossed Jonah's face but just for a second.

"You'd go back to this after everything we've been though this summer? It wasn't just you that had shit to deal with, you know. I stood by you every step of the way and had to cover myself because if I didn't then nobody would have been okay. You relied on me to help you, never once stopped to think, 'oh gee, maybe Jonah needs to take care of himself so I'll back off,' no, you didn't. You just walked into my time like all I have to do is deal with you, and maybe you forgot that I have my own things to deal with! I can't carry you through this if you're so unwilling to even try."

Jonah got out of his car and slammed the door behind him, not saying goodbye. Cameron knew that everything Jonah said was right. He knew exactly what Jonah was going through because it was the same has him. Cameron took Jonah's good heart for granted and was thinking about everything he just said. It wasn't meant as insults, but it reflected how Jonah's been feeling through this whole summer, and how horrible Cameron has been.

Jonah approached the school with a tear rolling down his face. He felt horrible for everything he just said to Cameron. Jonah felt so betrayed by Cameron's actions, he was so repulsed by the garment, the reaction was instantaneous. How could Cameron go behind Jonah's back and take, what seemed to be, all of this summers progress and throw it away like it doesn't matter? What kind of a friend does that?

The two boys went about the remainder of their day, alone. Between, not having classes together and fighting, there was no room for apologies until after classes.