doze | k.jm

22

"junmyeon" i call out desperately, my mind telling me to give up and that im never gonna see you anymore but my heart simply just can't listen.

"i took 9 today junmyeon, the night hasn't even come yet but i just miss you so much" i say, in hopes that you'll hear me and walk right through the door but soon i found myself slouching into my bed with every hint of hope in me fading when i hear no reply.

i feel myself frown as i stare blankly at the white wall in front of me. it's all because of my mom. it's all because of yixing. it's all because of me.

i should've just stayed home that night instead of going to my parents' house, only if i knew that i wouldn't see my junmyeon-.

as if my prayers are finally heard, i see you storm into my bedroom, beads of sweat can be seen on your forehead and your facial expression reads concerned.

as soon as your eyes land on me, you rush to my side of the bed and crouch down next to me as you take my hand in yours.

"jagiya, what did you do?" you ask, desperation can be heard in your voice as tears visibly well up in your eyes.

"i wanted to see you junmyeon, i was going crazy" i feel my eyes sting, tears threatening to race down my cheeks.

"you are crazy" your tears begin to stream down your face, flooding my bedsheets. i feel a wash of guilt come over me as i bring my hand up to wipe your tears away, seeing you in pain makes me regret my actions almost immediately.

"im sorry that i made you mad-" you cut me off mid-sentence.

"i didn't want you to keep taking those pills every night just to see me, i thought not showing up would make you stop" you explain in between hiccups, making the lump in my throat only grow. "i wanted you to live your life, go to work, marry that lawyer and be happy" you continue before releasing my hand and cupping my face instead, leaning in and placing a desperate kiss on my lips. i feel your tears wet my cheeks before i, too let mine flow down.

"i thought you were upset with me" i begin to sob uncontrollably, making you shake your head repeatedly.

"never" you reassure me while caressing my cheek with your thumb. i turn my head slightly, so that i can place little pecks on your thumb.

"im" one kiss. "sorry" another kiss before i find myself leaning in and resting the side of my face on the palm of your hand before involuntary closing my eyes.

"i love you"

i love you too.