Dont give up e.d

MONDAY/ F I V E

As my body shakes it's self to life again I feel funny I know somethings wrong but I can't put my finger on it.

But then it hits me, It feels as if someone chucked a bowling ball at my stomach

I feel the tan color drain from my face

"Ethan.."

I say to my self as I shiver,

I feel disgust overcome my body once again  and I'm immediately put into a bad mood

I'm supposed to see him today but all I wanna do is just lay in bed and forget about all of this, including him.

I get up and groan

my chest feels sunken in and my eyes do too I feel dead

I'm still wearing what I was wearing yesterday when the incident occurred I couldn't even look at the outfit

I wanted no memory of what happened , even though that's basically impossible

I hurry up and rip the clothes off look into the mirror to see the hickeys that Ethan left from the other night again

I drag my fingers over them gently and give my self goosebumps

My head drops down low and my face gets hot , my eyes begin to tear up but no tears fall

I cried so much yesterday it's like my body is going through a drought

"My dad would beat his ass if he was here" I mutter

"I miss you dad" I say looking up as if I'm looking through all the universe and into heaven where he's looking down onto me, and grabbing the picture of me and him together off of my night stand and holding it into my chest.

I'm just glad I have my big brother he's like a dad to me in a way even though he's never around he's always on business trips

It's always good to have a male figure in life

I make my way to my closet and pull out a camouflage sweat shirt , and black baggy sweat pants that say "junior" on them from my schools website

I go downstairs to say good morning to my mom

"Morning honey, how are you feeling? I got you some stuff from the store to make you feel better - OH and I made you breakfast-"

She's racing and pacing around the kitchen like a dog with rabies

"MOM!, I'm fine calm down you didn't have to do all of this"  I say reassuring her

She calms down and comes over to me as I sit down at the counter taking a bite of toast

"I know honey , but you know what they say 'the worst pain in the world is heartbreak'"

"Mom I'm fine"

I lied

"Are you sure honey? I hate to see you sa-"

I cut her off

"Mom. IM. FINE." I say in a slow pace so she'll understand