Collateral Damage || H.S

Chapter 1

He was with his wrinkled and intertwined hands under the table, while I was hearing his feet hitting on the ground restlessly. His gray hair was showing how old he looked, and seated here, I could realize how he always clears his throat before speaking.

And I, on the other side, was terrible. Two months had passed. Two months and I still looked the same, trying to bring her back. Her colors, the sounds, the touches. Nothing will ever be the same. I could still see her in some of my daydreams, but she was always so far. I wanted more, I needed more. It was almost like I still could feel the red wires that brushed on my face every morning. The tip of the icy fingers that touched my body, however, these are some of the privileges that I don't have anymore

-You can't blame yourself, Harry.

-But it's my fault. I always do everything wrong.

The room was dark and I was keeping my eyes closed while I could see the colors creating on my mind.

-You have to understand her, Harry. No one is bound to get, you gotta accept her motives, there's anything that can be done.

-It was because of that damned disturb! -My voice was calm, but I could feel the smell of my desperation hovering on the atmosphere.

-If you truly love her, you will let her go.

-Do you know how it is to lose someone? -My breathing quickened. -I can't, I simply can't! It's like I'm loosing a piece of me, the piece that makes everything work. You gotta help me, I don't know what else I have to do.

My hands glided subtly until the cup of coffee and I took a sip on the hot drink. She used to drank coffee every morning.

-You have no other choice but to move on. -He said at last.

We stayed there, seated. I was waiting. Waiting for a cure to fall from the sky and lighted a cigarette. When I finished, I took another one and one more after that. And suddenly, the full pack.

-I have to go. -He said before leaving.

I took three pills and ignored the annoying way that my hands were shaking. Swallowed the three and another one for the headache. Pills became my new addiction, and it didn't seem that I could survive without them one only day.

Seated on the couch, I tourned up the radio with the control, to avoid getting up and stayed there. Waiting for something that was never coming until I see the sun disappearing behing the well-designed buildings. As I entered the shower, there was only foam. Foam and hot water.

-The apex of my day. - I whispered to myself, since probably this was the only time I would get up, except to getting food.

As I went back to the couch, I swallowed another pill. Apparently this is what my life has become.

I pulled one of the thrown blankets and drakn with the corner of my lips the rest of the coffee on the cup.

When I saw the raining punching my window, I closed the curtains and asked for some food on the phone. Pizza. I thought. She would ask for pizza, as always.

In the last three days, four different psychologists searched for me, however, I unfortunately didn't fit the criterions for their research about synesthesia. Everyone thought it was a gift. As if they knew

I ate four slices of pizza and left the box under the bed. When the song that was on the radio stopped pleasing me, I turned it off and started to look for a cigarette. Then I remembered I already smoked the whole pack.

I put my boots on and went out looking for the nearest bar. When I stepped on the sidewalk, it was wet. I pulled my coat and my hood, as much as I hated coats with hoods. They were horrible, but warm. Well, I gotta to live with the two sides of the coin. The sign was green, so I waited for the continuous flow of cars that were running to the limit on the street. I crossed the crosswalk and entered the establishment, looking for the cheapest pack os cigarettes.

When I got home, I made another coffee. Ate one more slice of pizza, lightened one cigarette and watched the fire consumes the small stick until my fingertips burned. I picked a book, which I didn't even read three pages, and put back on the table. I laid on the couch and stared the ceiling of my old apartment and enjoyed the only feeling that stopped me to be taken for anything. Pain. My head was about to explode, but I just couldn't take more pills.

I held my hair, that was almost in my shoulders, in a clumsy bun and went back to sit on the couch.  I didn't want to sleep and I probably couldn't. I used to dream with her, and whenever I dreamed, I had attacks. They became impossible to control since I don't' have her.

I looked out the window and came across an illuminated city. I took the pack of cigarette thinking if I would light one more, but I eventually dropped the pack.

She was gone. I thought. And I have to accept, and live.

As soon as they met, they looked at each other. As soon as they looked at each other, they faced up. As soon as they faced up, they feel in love. As soon as they feel in love, they started to destroy each other.