I Have Always Loved You

Part 1

Sherlock looked panicked, he started to breath heavy trying to take in gasps of air each few seconds. He was surrounded by people who didn't understand him, didn't understand the struggle he had to go through. Not even Molly Hooper new and she was someone Sherlock trusted very much. Neither did John or Lestrad. He felt overwhelmed by this whole feeling, a feeling he had felt before but wasn't as strong as these past few weeks. Seeing John with Mary and their child made him feel forgotten, left to solve cases alone like a lone psychopath he once was, only this time it was different. People didn't only think of him as a lone psychopath, but as someone who lost his friend, his only best friend for a criminal who tried to kill him. He loved John so much he couldn't bare see him with this awful liar who he had chosen to be his wife. As his eyes started to fill with water, John glimpsed at his friend and saw a tear roll down his cheek. As he wiped his tear discretely, John walked towards him and put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Sherlock? What's the matter with you?" "No i i its its nothing please carry on I I I'm I I'm fine" As he was saying this his hands began to shake softly and he let out hard-to-hear groans. He didn't want John to see him this way but he couldn't help it. The room began to shrink and the lights to dime, at least that's what Sherlock thought was happening. His head started to spin, leaving him no other choice but to latch onto John who was standing right beside him. "Ok Sherlock, let's go outside. Let's get you some fresh air. Hold onto me." John lightly lifted Sherlock's arm and wrapped it around his neck and placed his own arm around Sherlock's waist for balance. As they headed towards the front door, John softly whispered words like "it's ok, I'm right here." "Breath." They walked slowly farther and farther away from the beach house until it was out of sight. There was a cool summer breeze which felt good on Sherlock's burning skin. John was still holding onto Sherlock's waist just in case his friend began to feel unbalanced again. They reached a small cove surrounded by rocks where they both sat down onto the silkworm sand. Sherlock took in gasps of air and started to feel relaxed. The sun had started to set, which meant that the sky had turned from a baby blue colour to a soft pinkish orange colour. There was a long pause, both of them staring out onto the sea. No one spoke; only observed. Looking at Sherlock, John asked "Why are you doing this?" Sherlock felt John playing in his hair; twirling and twisting curls around his fingers. "Do what?" Sherlock asked looking at the sand, sliding his fingers across it creating the letter 'o'. He knew exactly what John was talking about. He hated seeing John so worried after him taking 7 percent solutions every so often, John usually having to examine him and help him back up to his feet. That's why he stopped telling him he took drugs, usually only taking them once John had gone back home to his daughter and his wife. John, still playing in his hair, said " you know exactly what I'm talking about. I know that your taking them and they will have long term effects Sherlock, whether you like it or not." Sherlock didn't bother replying or even looking up at John. Instead, he continued to look at the sand, making the letter 'o' increasingly more visible. John's hand went from his friend's head to his shoulder then to his back, softly caressing it. "Sherlock, look at me." He lightly pulled Sherlock's shoulder towards him; a gesture telling his friend to look at him. Slowly turning his head towards John, he started at him, looking at him in the eyes. John set his hand on Sherlock's face, using his thumb to caress his soft pink cheek. Sherlock's spine tingled as John's cold and soft hands touched his face. "Don't hurt yourself anymore ok? You can't keep doing this to yourself." John said in a calmingly low voice, his thumb still caressing Sherlock's cheek. Sherlock slowly nodded as a sign that he understood. He cared and loved John very much and did his best to never upset him; although sometimes it happened unintentionally. "Ok" John murmured letting go of Sherlock's cheek, turning his face to look out onto the sea.